“Well, how about this? I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this the past few days since my family left. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to let what you and I have started slip away. I want us to build on it. It’s all new to me, this relationship stuff, but I want to know how much more we can have together. And maybe if that happens and goes well, all that paperwork and custody agreements won’t matter anymore. I don’t just want Eva in my life, Claire. I want you in my life, too.”
Claire’s mouth dropped open the way it always did when he stole her prepared words from her lips. After a moment, her jaw closed and she smiled. “I want you in my life, too, Luca.”
Luca leaned into her, wiping away the smile with his kiss. The minute his lips met hers, he felt that familiar surge of need run though his body and urge him on. That touch, combined with being alone again in the house, reminded him just how long he’d gone without touching Claire the way he’d wanted to. While his family was there, she had kept her distance. Now that she’d agreed to be in his life for a while longer, he wanted her back in his bed, as well.
“Luca,” Claire said as she pressed against his chest with the palms of her hands. “Wait. I’m glad you’re happy, but I wasn’t finished. There was a ‘but’ coming.”
But? Luca sat back against the arm of the couch with a frown. “What’s wrong?”
Claire sighed. “There’s nothing wrong, per se, but I wanted you to know that your mother told me something while she was here.”
Luca felt the dull ache of dread in his stomach. She hadn’t... Who was he kidding? Of course she had. His mother never respected his desire to keep his private past private. “What did she happen to share?” he asked, knowing full well what the answer was—she knew he was a one-balled wonder and had reservations about the two of them together.
Claire’s eyebrows drew together in concern. “She told me about Jessica and the baby. Primarily, the point was how happy you seemed and how she’d wanted it so badly after everything you went through with Jessica. It worries me, Luca.”
Luca was surprised. He thought for sure his mother would’ve spilled the cancer story. Perhaps she’d finally agreed to let him put that behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief. “What worries you, exactly?”
“That you didn’t tell me about it yourself,” she said, surprising him. “Since we’ve been here, I’ve told you every secret I have. I told you about Jeff, about my feelings of inadequacy and my failing marriage. You had a million opportunities to open up to me about this, but you didn’t.”
“It didn’t seem relevant,” Luca said. “It turned out to be nothing. I don’t have another child you don’t know about, so I didn’t think it would matter to you.”
“It’s not about the child, but that you kept it to yourself. Secrets worry me, Luca. Jeff kept secrets. And as much as I want you in my life and I want to see how far this can go, I need to know you’re going to be honest with me, even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it might expose the ugly parts of ourselves that we don’t want anyone to see. It concerns me that you don’t trust what we have enough to share that with me. It makes me wonder what else you’re keeping from me.”
Luca started to open his mouth to insist he wasn’t keeping things from her, but she held her finger to his lips. “Don’t. Don’t tell me you’re not, because I know that you are. Tell me, Luca. Tell me why you were at the fertility clinic. What happened to you? Tell me right now or I can’t move forward with this.”
Luca sighed. He’d been dreading this moment since he’d decided to make a future with Claire. Things could go horribly wrong from here, but he got the feeling it would be worse to avoid her questions. As much as he didn’t want to, he needed to tell this story at least one more time.
“When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I missed most of my junior and senior years going through treatment. I had to have surgery to remove the tumor along with one of my testicles, then I went through extensive radiation and chemotherapy. I donated at the fertility clinic before the radiation because I would likely be sterile afterward. That’s why Jessica having my baby was such a huge deal to my family. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have children. I don’t like talking about it, so I avoided your questions about school earlier because it would lead into that topic. I didn’t get to go to prom. I got my diploma in a wheelchair. That whole period of my life was defined by my illness.”