But she mustn’t fall. She must fight. Fight with all the weapons she could.
There was only one problem—she had no weapons left. No words. Only a terrible, gaping hollow of horror opening up inside her. She stared at him, wordless, defenceless.
His eyes were moving over her face. The nerve at his cheek had stopped. His voice, when he spoke, had changed.
‘Tell me something, Vicky. If I do this now, will you be angry?’
His hand reached to her. Thumb moving across her lips.
‘Does that make you angry, Vicky? What about this? Does this make you angry?’
The backs of his fingers drifted over her cheek, then turned to stroke with soft, searching movements over the delicate flesh of her ear, spearing gently, so gently, into her hair.
‘What about this, then? Do you feel angry when I do this to you?’
His fingers closed around her nape. Drew, with ineluctable pressure, her face towards him, as with slow, aching descent his mouth moved down to hers.
His kiss was velvet, his lips as soft as silk, his touch as smooth as satin.
He lifted his head away from her.
‘Angry, Vicky?’ he asked softly, so very, very softly.
Her body was boneless. Her palms collapsed against the cool surface of the tiles. She looked into his eyes. Deep, fathomless. Eyes to drown in.
His face swam before her. On the surface of the breakfast bar a single tear splashed like a diamond.
‘Theo, please—don’t do this to me. Please.’ Her voice was a whisper. ‘Please.’
Another tear splashed.
He was looking at her. She could not see him. He was out of focus. Tears were spilling from her eyes.
‘Please don’t do this to me. Please.’
Greek broke from him. She did not know what it meant, but she heard the shock in his voice. The disbelief.
She knew why. She wanted to die. Fall through the earth into that bottomless pit beneath her, the one that swallowed up all those like her. The fools of the world.
She stared at him through the tears blurring her vision.
‘Please go, Theo. Please. Just go. Just go.’
She felt her body slacken, felt herself grope for the high stool and heave herself onto it before she collapsed. Her head bowed. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.
‘Vicky! Cristos! Vicky!’
He had come around the edge of the bar, his arms enfolded her. For one brief, anguished moment she let herself cling to him. Then she drew away. Dragged herself from him.
‘Is this answer enough for you, Theo? Is it? Is it? Are you happy now? Have you got what you wanted? Just like you got what you wanted from me when you hunted me down? Got me into your bed! And you’re right—so bloody
, bloody right! What does it matter whether you used me or not? It was all the same to you in the end! Sexual relief or sexual ego! What did it matter? What did it matter? It was all the same to you and—oh, God—it didn’t make any difference to me! How could it? How could it? You made a fool of me either way! A stupid, idiotic fool!’
A laugh broke from her. High and humourless.
‘Did you read me wrong, Theo? Did you think I was like all those other women, falling over themselves to tell me they’d had affairs with you, or wanted one, or wanted another one? That I’d just be like them? Enjoy the physical pleasures you had to offer, be chic and sophisticated and blasé about the whole thing like them? Well, I couldn’t! And I knew I couldn’t! I went into that marriage never thinking for a single instant that you’d take that line! I never for a moment dreamt you’d think anything else! Our marriage was a sham, just for show—of course you would go on having your normal sex life! When you turned on me I didn’t know what to do! I tried to stonewall you—tried so damn, damn hard. But you wouldn’t lay off! You kept right on coming. And I tried to stop you—I tried and I tried. And it was the same when you pulled that devil’s deal on me! Making me go back to you if I wanted my money for Jem’s project! Do you know why I went along with that—do you?’
She glared at him, her face contorted through the tears still running down her cheeks.