‘It might be tonight—or tomorrow—or a few days. But I doubt it will be longer,’ she’d said, her eyes full of sympathy. ‘She is easing away from life.’
Tears had filled Flavia’s eyes, and she’d turned away, heart seizing. ‘I should have been here!’ she’d said, her voice muffled with emotion.
‘It would have made no difference,’ the nurse had said kindly.
Only that I would not have felt so guilty like this, Flavia thought as she sat now in her midnight vigil.
The last weeks of her grandmother’s life and her granddaughter had been cavorting on a beach, immersed in a torrid love-affair, thinking only of herself! Caring only about herself! Not caring anything about her grandmother—the woman who had raised her, who loved her, who had always, always been there for her!
Yet when the end of her life had been approaching, her granddaughter had not been there for her—she had deserted her for her own selfish self-indulgence.
Guilt stabbed at Flavia again, and self-hatred.
If she had gone to Leon simply to save Harford, simply to ensure her grandmother could end her days in her own home, and every moment with him had been an ordeal, then she might not have felt like this! Then she might have justified her absence, told herself she’d only been doing it for her grandmother’s sake.
Lie, lie, lie—
Every moment in Leon’s arms had been a moment in paradise! Every hour of the days she’d spent with him had been for her sake—her own selfish, heedless sake—not her grandmother’s! Even now, here, at her grandmother’s deathbed, she was still thinking about him! Still aching for him and missing him, wanting to be with him!
Just because she’d fallen in love with him …
No! Don’t think about that! It doesn’t matter and it isn’t important! Only this is important—now—with Gran—the last time on earth you’ll be with her …
Silently, tears spilled from her eyes, wetting her cheeks. Her heart ached with sorrow and grief. She clutched her grandmother’s hand as the life ebbed slowly from her, hour by hour, during the long reaches of the rainswept night. Keeping her last vigil at her side.
Leon was watching the rain. It was pounding down on the pavements far below, streaking down the plate glass windows of his office. Darkening the sky.
His mood was dark, too. Emotion swirled, opaque and turbid. A single thought burned in his brain.
Where is she?
Where had she gone—and why? Why?
What the hell has happened to her?
She had simply vanished—disappeared! The only communication he’d got back after all his non-stop voicemailing and texting had been a bare, curt message.
Leon, I have to go. Sorry. Urgent family matters.
That was it. Nothing more. Nothing since. Just nothing.
Frustration bit like a fanged snake. What the hell was going on? Where was she? Why was she not talking to him? What had happened? He didn’t understand—he just damn well didn’t understand!
Part of him was desperately trying to find an acceptable reason for her total silence. Maybe she was out of range again. Maybe her phone had broken, got lost, been stolen. But if that were so, he knew there was no reason why she shouldn’t have got in touch with his office via another phone. He was not exactly anonymous! And he’d given his office explicit instructions to put her through any hour of the day or night.
But she hadn’t got in touch. Hadn’t communicated with him in any way whatsoever.
It was as if she no longer existed.
Or as if he didn’t …
Emotion gripped at him again. Where the hell was she? What the hell had happened to her?
Why is she doing this to me?
That was the worst of all—the question that was like a kick in the guts, a knife in his lungs, stopping his breathing. There had to be a reason—a good one!—why she had disappeared. There just had to be …
For the thousandth time he reread the only clue he had— ‘urgent family matters.’