Chapter Thirty-one
Nora
IS THE ELEVATOR ALWAYS THIS loud? The changing air pressure and mechanical noises are making me nauseous. Or maybe it’s just the inevitable talk I’m about to have with Landon that’s clawing at my insides. When we step out, even the lights in the hallway feel brighter than they usually do. And we are walking abnormally slow. Part of me wants to tell Landon that I have to go and run away and never look back.
I could erase him from my life just as quickly as he came into it.
He pushes his key into the lock and holds the door open for me to pass. I walk under his arm and he clicks the lamp on. Under this light, he looks harsher, all angles, and the softness of his lips is shaded by the darkness.
Like this it’s easier to imagine walking away from him. When the light is on and I can see his innate lightness, it won’t be so simple.
Tonight has changed the way I look at Landon. Before Dakota showed up, I was getting to know a different side of him. I felt his pain and guilt and I saw him as a protector, a man doing his best in a tough situation.
“Do you want a drink?”
I follow him to the kitchen but think, Not unless you have a bottle of vodka I can chug down.
Landon doesn’t turn the overhead on, and I listen for Tessa. The apartment is silent. She must be asleep or out. It’s late. I don’t even know what hour it is.
“A water. Please.”
He grabs a water, and a Gatorade for himself, from the fridge, then slams it shut.
Is he mad?
What a stupid question, of course he is.
I follow him to his room and he tells me he’s going to take a quick shower. I don’t know if the extra delay will make this better, or worse. I nod and he turns his light on, grabs clothes out of his dresser, and leaves me alone in the room. I lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling.
So Landon is going to Michigan with Dakota. Just the two of them, their memories, and their hometown. I laugh pathetically at my own expense and hastily wipe the tears from my eyes. Her dad is dying; I’m being incredibly selfish by even thinking about myself right now. The sad truth about what happened to Dakota’s brother was just one layer of what they have shared. I shouldn’t have tried to come between them in the first place. I let myself get distracted, and now everyone around me is suffering because of it.
Landon deserves a quiet life. He deserves to have peace and quiet and a calm love. He’s steady, he’s the kind of guy that makes sure things are okay. With him I wouldn’t have to worry. But he would be getting the short end of the stick. In trade for the comfort he would bring me, he would be thrown into the hectic web that is my life. He has a nice family, not one driven by greed and the desire for notoriety.
The tears burn the back of my eyes and I force myself to sit up and get my shit together. Sobbing on his bed and feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to get me anywhere. Tonight is the last night that he’s mine, the last time that I will feel his hands on me, if I’m lucky enough for even that.
I climb off of the bed and walk to the bathroom. The door is unlocked and steam billows out into the hall. I close the door quickly and lock it behind me. I drop my clothes to the floor and take a deep breath before I step into the shower. Landon’s body is under the shower stream, water coating his naked frame. His eyes are closed and his chin is lifted so his face is directly under the water. He doesn’t make any move to let me know he’s aware of my presence, but he doesn’t flinch when I wrap my arms around him.
I lay my cheek against his wet back and hold him. We stay like this for minutes, hours, who knows, and then he finally turns to face me. His hands wrap around my back and I lean into his