Dakota shakes her head vigorously at this. “I was confused. I see that now. I needed attention, and Landon wasn’t here. I felt lonely, and Maggy said I should be single my first year of college. Everyone always says that. All those stupid movies say it, too.”
I never understood this idea of being single during college. Yes, it’s important to be independent, and college is when you figure out who you are, and what you want. But if you already have an amazing man, why would you ruin that just to party and hook up with random guys?
“So you want me to stay away from Landon so you can get back with him?” I ask finally.
“If he will take me back, yes. He was mine from the beginning. Since before he even knew you. Before you saw that picture of him.”
“I met him before that. My parents know his, remember?” Dakota is good at making me feel crazier than I am.
She nods slowly. “Yes, I remember. But I also remember the hours we spent talking about him, the many, many times I told you how much I love him and miss him—and I also remember about that time you told me to sleep with Aiden.”
“I was trying to help you, as a friend. You kept saying you wanted to experience life in the big city!” I try to keep my voice down, but I’m doing a horrible job at it. “You told me how hot Aiden was, that you wanted to sleep with him.” I narrow my eyes at her. “You already had your mind made up—I was just giving you that extra push to make you feel like less of an asshole when you fucked him.”
Dakota’s nostrils flare, and for a very, very short moment, I’m almost afraid of her.
“Are you kidding? I had my mind made up? And who the hell are you to judge me anyway, mis-sus?” she says, exaggerating the last word.
My entire body is covered in small slashes now. With every word, I feel more and more like a monster. Dakota may as well be pouring salt water into the cuts. Hearing her say she loves Landon is the equivalent of that to me, and her blaming all of this on me—possibly rightfully so—makes it much, much worse.
“Can you stop walking and just talk to me, please?” Her voice is soft, sad even.
I face her. “What will make you happy? If I stay one hundred feet away from him at all times? Tessa is my friend, too, and he lives with her. And Landon is happy with me. Dakota, let him be happy.”
Her lip quivers, and she swallows. “How do you know he’s happy?”
What a loaded question. Because I can feel it, I want to tell her, but I won’t.
“How do you know he’s happy, Nora?”
So now it’s back to Nora. Tears prick my eyes. “I just know he is. Maybe I’m wrong; I don’t know him like you do.”
Her eyes stay on mine. “No. No, you don’t.”
I sigh and look around the station. A man and a woman are holding hands while they wait for the train. They have to be at least sixty, and when he leans down and kisses the top of her gray hair, my heart feels heavy. How is it possible for my heart to feel so heavy when it’s so empty?
Dakota stops and frowns. “I don’t have anyone, Nora. I thought I had you, but a friend wouldn’t do what you did.”
She’s right. I was never a friend to her. I never wanted to be. I only wanted him. I should feel guilty, but it’s hard to do so when I know how she treats him: like a lapdog. He’s not a fucking lapdog. He’s so much more than that. More than either of us deserve.
“I’m sorry for how things went down,” I tell her, half meaning it. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Things just happened this way.”
Dakota regards me, and I see a tear roll down her cheek before she can wipe it away. I know it will kill her that I saw her vulnerability, so I choose to show her kindness and ignore it.
“Landon and I have something real, Nora. We’ve loved each other since we were kids. He’s been there for me through everything. Through my dad’s abuse, my brother’s death—we’ve suffered