“I know,” I reply, shaking my head. “But I just wanted her to know I didn’t do it on purpose. I just—”
“You just wanted to escape. And you brought her with you … so she could die,” he says.
“No,” I say, licking my lips as a tear rolls down my cheeks. “I didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“But it did,” he barks.
He’s not giving me an ounce of forgiveness. Not even one single iota. And it hurts.
I lower my head between my shoulders. “If I could trade places with her, I would.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he says. “And I don’t want you to.” He caresses her again. “She deserves better than that.”
I nod a few times, sinking away into the silence. “She did …”
He glances up at me with a serious look on his face. “She will get better.”
I hope he’s right. I pray she does. Because if not, her death will shatter my already brittle soul.
“You might think what we do here is wrong. That it’s heinous. Criminal,” he says. “But some people need this. Some people … heal from this.”
Maybe he’s right. Maybe some people really do need this. I just could not understand because I didn’t know what it was like living with the guilt. But now I do.
If Anna really did get her parents murdered … she must’ve been living with so much guilt.
Even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself, no one can do something so terrible without snapping their own heart in two.
I wonder if she would have gone through with it if she knew what it really meant.
If she knew how much hurt it would cause, even to herself.
Maybe she realized, in the end, it wasn’t worth it. That her boyfriend convinced her to do something she really didn’t want to do. And then she stopped wanting to live.
I sigh to myself.
Poor Anna. If I could take away the pain, I would.
“If I had known what she … did … I wouldn’t have taken her with me,” I say.
“Because having your parents killed is terrible and inhumane?”
Well, that’s bold. I didn’t want to say it like that, but I guess he’s right.
I suck in a breath. “Because she needed to face what she did. And I stopped her from doing that.”
He gazes at me for a moment, the look in his eyes sincerely surprised. Then he nods. “What we do here is necessary.”
“I understand now,” I reply.
“Do you?” he reiterates, lowering his head.
“I …” I don’t know what he wants me to say.
That I was wrong?
That I just didn’t know that we truly deserved all of this?
“So you believe us now when we say you are here for a reason?” he asks.
I take in another deep breath and look at Anna for a second. She knew. She knew deep inside her heart, yet I managed to convince her otherwise.
“I just wish I knew why,” I say. “Anna knew.”
“If you’re truly ready, you will know what to do,” he says.
My lips part, but I don’t know what to say.
Tobias looks down at Anna again and cocks his head tenderly. “She was ready.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. But no matter how many times I say it, nothing will make it okay. Nothing will make her okay again. Except time.
But I will not sit idly by and let myself befall the same fate.
Even if I deserve everything I’ve got coming for me.
Chapter 30
Eli
The moment my door creaks open, I already have a smile plastered onto my face.
She’s here.
I knew she would come. I’ve known since the minute I left her in her room to think about her actions while I brooded here in the dark.
I didn’t just let her visit Anna out of kindness. There was a chance it would finally lead her to the right conclusion, so I took the opportunity, and it paid off.
She isn’t as innocent as she once believed.
And now she’s here to come and find out why.
I’m quietly reading my book in the middle of my study on my comfy armchair near the fireplace when she enters. The door closes softly behind her as she comes closer and stops on the red carpet right in front of me.
I lower my book to meet her gaze with a penetrative stare.
“I’m ready,” she says.
My tongue darts out to wet my lips. Right on schedule.
“Are you sure?” I raise a brow.
She nods, standing tall and proud even though I think she knows damn well what she’s asking from me.
“I deserve the truth,” she says, swallowing hard. “Show me what I did.”
My eyes narrow as adrenaline rushes through my veins, filling me with excitement. I put aside the book and lean over on my elbows, tapping my fingers together. “You deserve …”
“Punishment.”
My cock became hard just from that word spilling out of her mouth.
A grin tugs at my lips as I lean back in my seat and watch her. “Beg.”