She claps a hand over her mouth, and a sheen of moisture shines in her eyes.
“I stripped her from the waist down and ate her pussy.” Blood rushes to my cock. Christ, I can still taste her shivering desire, her sweet innocence. “Then I fucked her against the wall.”
“No.” She chokes and leaps from the bed. “It wasn’t you.”
“We were surrounded by rutting college kids, blinded by total darkness, and I think the noise permanently damaged my eardrums. But she was all I felt, and I took her hard. Lasted an embarrassingly short couple of seconds. She was so tight and wet, and I was inexperienced and overexcited. To this day, I still regret that she didn’t come.”
“It couldn’t have been you.” Her knees wobble, and she rubs her arms, blinking rapidly. As if out of compulsion, she reaches toward me and touches my hair, the stubble on my face, and my lips. Then she yanks her arm back. “You’re lying. The man I was with had black curls and—”
“I wore a wig under the baseball cap. Waxed my face to remove the stubble.” I hold up my hand. “Fingerless gloves hid the scar. Your scent saturated the leather for months.”
I inhale slowly, reliving the memory. I slept with those gloves long after her smell wore off.
“They’re in the nightstand.” I gesture behind me.
Her chest hitches, and her feet move, circling the bed. She yanks open the drawer and strokes a hand over the contents.
“They’re just gloves.” Her gaze snaps to mine. “He didn’t taste like you.”
“I bummed a cigarette at the party to mask my breath.”
She backs away from the bed, vigorously shaking her head. “I would’ve known it was you.” Turning, she paces through the room. “How could I have not known? God, you must think I’m the biggest idiot.”
“You’re the smartest, sexiest—”
“Stop!” She presses her fingers against her temples and closes her eyes. “You stood in the doorway of that barn. You stood there, staring at me like you knew.” Her lashes lift, her features cast in teary accusation. “You knew why I was there.”
“Yeah.” My fists clench and unclench. “I hate that you pursued other men, that you were lonely enough to fill that void with a stranger. But I put you in that position. That’s on me.” A swallow sticks in my throat. “I wore that fucking disguise and followed you there every Saturday night to keep you safe from drunk assholes and other threats you weren’t aware of. I followed you knowing I couldn’t interfere in your plans, knowing I would have to stand by while you were with another man.”
“But you did interfere.”
“I saw an opportunity that night. You rejected every guy who made a pass at you, yet you had this look in your eyes, like you weren’t leaving until you got what you came for.” I hold her gaze. “I gave you what you needed.”
A scowl darkens her face. “How very noble of you.”
“Don’t misunderstand me. It was one-hundred-percent selfish. I wanted you so deeply and intensely I couldn’t and wouldn’t fuck another woman. My virginity belonged to you and no one else.”
Her arms draw close to her body, and she stares at the floor, her voice flat. “So you unloaded the burden of your virginity and walked away.”
“It was the only piece of myself I had left to give. You deserved so much more.” Bitter regret curls my stomach. “One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was let you walk out of that barn without me.”
She lifts her head, eyes streaked with pain. “You were still in the barn? I thought…” Her chin trembles. “I looked everywhere for you outside, because I wanted…” She rubs her face. “I don’t know what I wanted. It was the first time I gave myself to someone, and I was feeling raw and off-balance.”
I was her first.
Relief hits me so hard I have to clamp my jaw closed to contain it. I watched her closely for years, but I couldn’t monitor who slipped in and out of her dorm room at night.
“I guess, I just…” She wipes her palms on her shorts. “I needed it to mean something. I didn’t want to be forgettable.”
“You couldn’t be forgettable if you tried.”
I tried. I fucked every trollop in town and I couldn’t forget her. I fought and killed until the ravine bled red, and I couldn’t forget her.
Conor Cassidy is utterly and completely unforgettable.
I rise from the bed and step into her space. “I didn’t leave you that night. I stayed with you while you walked to your bike. I followed you to the tattoo shop then back to your dorm room. I sat in the parking lot outside your window until the sun came up.”
“Why?” Her voice cracks. “Why didn’t you tell me it was you?”