Justin's cheeks begin to flush. He blinks slowly and swallows down three more long gulps of beer. The room is silent and filled with expectation. "I'm sorry, Maggie," he says, and my heart drops. He's going to say he doesn't want anything to do with the baby, and it'll break my heart. I know what it's like to long for a father who never comes. I don't want that for my child. But then he continues. "I'm sorry about what I said when you told me. I wasn't in a good place, and it was a shock. I thought you'd done it on purpose to trap me."
"She wouldn't do that," Trey says protectively.
Justin nods. "I know that now. I… I appreciate everything you said. I appreciate you asking me here so we can do this. It's not easy for anyone, but I agree with what you've said. I don't want to be a douchebag dad, and I don't want my kid wondering why I'm not there on important days or wondering what the hell I look like. I want to be in its life. This arrangement…" he glances around at all the huge men surrounding me and then at me. His eyebrows quirk, then he seems to steel himself "… it's not exactly a common thing, but as long as Maggie and my kid are happy and taken care of, I'm okay with it."
Wow, that is a change of heart and attitude. He's worried about how I'm being treated. I guess that's better than telling me I should abort our child.
"They will be taken care of. You don't have to worry about that."
"On the finance side, things aren't great right now, but they will be." The boys nod, knowing that Justin is being talked about as an NFL draft pick. "And when they are, the baby will be looked after."
"It's not necessary, but maybe Maggie would like to set up a college fund or something," Hunter says. They're so sweet, wanting to be the ones to look after us day to day.
Justin shrugs. "I guess that will be up to Maggie."
"What about Cathy?"
Justin's face seems to pale at my question, and he picks at the label on the beer bottle. "We broke up… the things she said that day… she just went too far."
"I can't say I'm sorry to hear that."
He shakes his head wearily. "You know how things were between us. Half the time it was good, and half the time she drove me insane."
"Yeah." I look around at all my men, none of whom ever drive me insane, and feel completely lucky. Relationships like the one Justin and Cathy had aren't passionate, they're toxic, and I'm so glad to not be in a situation like that.
"Whatever works for you," I say, feeling sorry for him. There's no taking away the fact that he treated me badly, but he's still a kid. I know that my mouth runs away with me sometimes. I've said and done things that I'm not proud of and have asked for forgiveness. I need to be a big enough person to accept this about Justin. With the baby coming, we're always going to have a reason to be in each other's lives. It doesn't make sense for either of us to go around holding resentment.
"This is good," Trey says. He stands and offers his hand to Justin, and Justin stands to shake it. Each of my eleven men shakes the hand of my baby's father, and it's as though I'm witnessing them sealing an important deal. Each of them knows where they stand now, and it's relief that I can see across all of their faces.
Justin stays for a while to talk as conversation drifts to football, and rather than participating, I sit back and watch them all fall into their favorite topic comfortably. Advice is exchanged, even though they're on competing teams. They're all looking to the future when college football will be a thing of their pasts. They're all close to spreading their wings and soaring into their destinies.
And for the first time, it hits me that they might not all be here full-time next year. There's a chance they'll be drafted to teams in other states. There's a chance our home team will be broken up.
My heart sinks, knowing that things won't be the same, but there's happiness there too because I know that whatever happens, we'll all be coming back together, and that's what's important. This house will always be a home for our family.
When Justin leaves, we have lunch together, sitting in the yard eating sandwiches as the warm wind caries our laughter. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders today, but another weight needs to be dealt with too.
Mom arrives at 2 pm. I'm waiting for her on the front porch with my feet up on a stool. Her familiar old car splutters as she turns it off, and I feel sad at how many years she's been working to still be driving something that could break down at any moment.