I sob into the tissue, my whole body shaking. “Just… you have to tell me what to do, Dad. You need to give me a sign, any kind of sign that this is my future. Is this whole thing just a temptation I should reject, or is this a test before I reach my prize? Please… just tell me.”
A breeze starts to blow, rustling the leaves on the trees that edge the cemetery. Overhead, a bird calls. A more faithful person than me might take those as signs, but I don’t have faith. It was squashed out of me when I was at a tender age, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.
Behind me, someone clears their throat, and I almost jump out of my skin. When I whip my head around to see who it is, I find Gordon and coming up behind him, the rest of my foster brothers.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, swiping at my wet cheeks and scrambling to my feet. It’s mortifying that they’re seeing me like this.
“Walter told us you were here. We wanted to see you… we need to talk.”
“I… I can’t, okay. This isn’t a good time.”
“This is a perfect time, Maggie. I heard what you said. You think that you’re going to be a burden to us and that we somehow feel indebted to your dad. You think that we’re asking you to be with us because we pity you, and that isn’t right.”
Trey steps forward, his eyes meeting mine with more warmth than I deserve. “This isn’t about pity, Maggie. We’re not asking for you to be with us because we feel obligated. Yes, Dad wanted us to look after you, and we want that too, but don’t you understand that we’re being selfish? We want you for ourselves, and we’re not willing to let you go and make some other lucky guy happy. We want that happiness for all of us.”
“This thing between us, it’s better than we ever could have hoped for,” Logan says.
“It’s perfect,” John agrees.
“But what you said about Tristan…” I start to speak, but Hunter puts his hand up to stop me.
“Walter helped us to understand why you were talking to that asshole. We get it. You have a baby on the way, and you’re worried about providing for it. You were just being a good mom, and that’s okay. It just took us by surprise, and we’re sorry about how we reacted.”
“We should have done better.” Donovan’s face is truly remorseful, and he slides his hands into his pockets as though he doesn’t know what to do with himself. I don’t know either. So many eyes are on me. Hopeful eyes that must see my crumpled dress, red eyes, and smudged make-up and feel sorry for me. They say this isn’t about pity, but I feel pitiful. How can they view me any differently?
“I just… I read Dad’s letter. He told me about the promise you made to him, but there was nothing in there about us having a relationship.”
“He would never have come out and written it. He wouldn’t have wanted to put that kind of pressure on you, but that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t thinking it or hoping for it. All he wanted for us all was to be happy, and if this is what makes us happy, then I know we’ll have his blessing.” Harley shrugs like he doesn’t know what else to say. How many more ways can you speak for someone who’s dead?
I guess I’ll never truly know how Dad would have felt about any of the ways I choose to live my life. I’d like to think he’d be excited about being a grandad, even if he would want to punch Justin’s lights out. I like to think that me bringing love and joy to his foster sons would be a good thing in his eyes. After all, that’s what he’d tried to do for them by becoming the loving parent they never had. Maybe he had a different image of what my ideal life would be, but none of us is meant to tread the path of our ancestors. We have different hopes and dreams, different needs and wants. We have to spread our own wings and make our own journeys.
I don’t want to be the kind of person who’s trapped by the past. That’s what my mom has been like, and growing up enclosed in that never-changing bubble hasn’t been good for her or for me. My child deserves more. They deserve hope and joy and a mom that’s doing everything she can to fly.
“Whatever you decide… whether you want us to be your brothers or your lovers, we’ll be here, okay? The house is our home, a place for all of us, including the baby. Just come home, Maggie. We have something to show you.” Sean’s cheeks pink just beneath his eyes, as though saying all of that and wearing his heart on his sleeve is something that makes him deeply uncomfortable. I know exactly how he feels. All these emotions are hard enough to digest internally, let alone project out there in front of so many others.