“I’m scared,” I tell him, and both Reggie and Gordon’s arms tighten around me.
“You don’t have to be scared,” Gordon says gruffly. Reggie takes a softer approach. “It’s okay to be scared. Change is scary. Doing something that you’ve never done before takes courage. But we’re offering you support, Maggie. We’ll be here whatever happens between us. We told you that. Brothers or lovers. You get to decide. And you know what we want. We’re trying to show you how things could work if you could take us into your hearts. We’re trying to show you slowly what this arrangement could bring you. You can trust us to put your best interests first either way. I mean, this… what we did today was amazing… but if you decide that it’s not for you, we won’t hold it against you. We just hope that your gut will tell you what ours is telling us. That this was meant to be.”
Gordon’s hand slides up my side. “Can you feel how we fit, Maggie? Don’t you feel how good it is?”
He shifts so he’s directly behind me, pulling my body close so that I fit right against his chest and down his body to where my feet rest mid-calf. Reggie kisses my lips. “You see, honey. We fit.”
And we do.
It doesn’t matter which of my eleven foster brothers I spend time with, we all seem to fit together like puzzle pieces that have been scattered but have suddenly found themselves in the right place at the right time to slot together.
“I feel it,” I admit, and flush with the confession. Speaking my true thoughts and feelings isn’t something I’m used to or good at, but I have to because these men deserve it. Neither of them has grown up without heartache or trouble. They know what it feels like to stand on uncertain ground. If they can open their hearts to me, how can I keep mine closed off to them?
But even as I absorb what Reggie has said about listening to my gut, my heart and mind still mutter warnings in a different language.
21
I wake alone in Gordon’s bed, feeling unsettled. If there are repercussions from their coach for yesterday, Gordon will no doubt find them out today. The guilt I feel sits heavy in my chest. In the bathroom, I freshen up, splashing my face with water and swallowing down the unsettled feeling in my stomach. When I open the door, Gordon is waiting outside, showered, and dressed, and looking sexy as hell and kind of uncomfortable.
“Sorry,” he says, “for waiting out here like a stalker.”
“It’s okay.” I raise my eyebrows, wondering what on earth he’s going to say next and hoping it isn’t going to be regret about last night. I don’t think he’ll feel bad about what we did together. It was intense and beautiful despite his raged state.
“We’re waiting for you downstairs,” he says, hooking his fingers into his belt loops.
They’re waiting for me. What on earth for? It’s only then that my brain finally engages in remembering that it’s the twins’ birthday today, and here I am, delaying everything like a disheveled loser!
“Of course. Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You needed your sleep. I think me and Reggie kept you up too much last night,” Gordon says sheepishly. Following Gordon down the stairs, I run my hands through my hair, trying to smooth out the tangles. From the kitchen, the now-familiar rumble of conversation spills into the hallway. I let Gordon enter first and follow, hiding in the wake of his bulky frame.
“There they are,” Logan says. He rises from his chair and then puts a foot onto the wooden seat, stepping up, so he’s looming over all of his gathered brothers and me. “Today is a big day. It’s a double birthday. Now, the job of summing up the year would usually have fallen to Dad, God rest his soul, but I’m picking up the challenge this year. What can I say about the terrible twins? They’ve played ball to make us all proud, managed to keep their grade point average high, and…” Logan trails off, glancing at me. “…and achieved some other things that should remain unmentioned.” He bows in my direction with all the flamboyance of the Greatest Showman. “They’ve helped a whole hoard of struggling kids to get to grips with math and even tackled the garden surrounding this house, building the new rear deck with the help of our resident landscaping duo, Sean and Trey. We’re all so close to coming to the end of our college years… it feels like a turning point in all of our lives, but with Maggie here, I know that we won’t be turning away from family but sticking close, which is what Dad always finished off the birthday speech by saying. Happy birthday, Harley and Hunter. May your twenty-second year be filled with happiness, and may you always keep family in your heart.”