One movie rolls into the next, and it’s after ten when I look over to find Tinley’s eyes drooping and Alex sound asleep on the sofa.
“You should get some sleep.”
Lazily her eyes drift toward me, a little hint of shock in her blue gaze as if she’s just realizing she isn’t alone.
“I can carry him to the bed.”
She looks over at Alex. His head is leaned back, mouth parted as he breathes softly in his sleep.
“He’s too young to have to deal with so much,” she mutters. “What is this going to do to him?”
God, I wish I had foresight.
“We just have to make sure he’s safe, and that we’re available to him when he needs to talk. He’s going to struggle, but you raised an amazing young man. I promise he’s going to be okay.”
She gives me a weak smile, but it doesn’t meet her eyes. She’s completely worn down, not only from today but everything leading up to losing her mother.
“Bed,” I remind her as I stand.
Alex is heavier than he looks, but I feel overjoyed getting to carry his sleeping form to bed for the first time, suddenly sad that I’ve missed so many other opportunities.
“Which side do you sleep on?” I ask as we enter. She’s not home in her own bed, but I want her as comfortable as possible.
“The right.”
As gently as I can, I lower Alex to the left side after she pulls back the covers. I slip his shoes off before she covers him back up.
“Try to get some sleep. I’m here if you need me.”
I press a soft kiss to her forehead, keeping my clenched hands at my sides so I don’t overwhelm her when all I want to do is pull her to my chest and make all the promises we spoke in the darkness thirteen years ago come true.
Closing the bedroom door softly behind me, I make my way out of the room and head down to my truck. Working for Deacon, I discovered the need to always have a go-bag and I’m grateful to have the bare necessities right now considering I didn’t stop by my house.
When I make it back up and into the bathroom of my own room, that gratefulness wanes a little because the clothes packed inside carry the musty unused smell from having been packed for weeks and weeks, but it’ll have to do. A quick shower later, I tug on briefs, a t-shirt and pull jeans back on because I want to check on them one last time before lying down. The risk that she’s still awake only to see me in my underwear isn’t another thing I want her to have to deal with.
What I hope to find—both of them sleeping—isn’t what I encounter when I press my ear to their bedroom door.
I’m met with quiet sobs, breaking my heart just a little more that I can’t fix all of this for her.
Chapter 20
Tinley
“Come here.” I jolt at the voice, fear that maybe Cooper found us filling my body, but I look over to see Ignacio standing in the open doorway to the room.
I don’t question the way my body obeys him, rather I climb out of the bed and head in his direction.
The second I’m within reach, his arms are around me and my body is flush with his.
God, why did I wait so long to let him do this?
My tears drip onto his shirt, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He closes the bedroom door behind us, picking me up in his arms when I can’t convince my legs to move. Burying my nose in his throat, I keep from looking at the bed as he walks us closer.
Ignacio and I were intimate more times than I can count when we were younger, but privacy and a cozy bed were never a part of the equation. As lascivious teens, the location we got naked didn’t really matter, just that we got naked and pleasured one another.
I tense in his arms, the memories choosing this very inopportune time to come rushing back. The taunting, hurtful words, his confession that he was only using me because he wanted my virginity. The way I so easily gave into him because of the dedicated interest he showed me. I was starved for it when I was younger because my parents were so busy with work trying to provide a better life for us. He saw me coming, a game to play, a brand-new toy he needed to break.
“Easy,” he whispers as he lowers me to the bed. “I’m just going to hold you.”
I know I should pull away instead of getting sucked back into him, giving him just one more opportunity to hurt me, one more kick when I’m already so far down I can feel the ground against my face.