“No. It’s not. Trust me.”
“Regardless, I think it might be best to stay in today, get better fully. When I get a cold, I get knocked on my ass like no other, so I completely fall into sick mode and disconnect from the world until I’m better.”
If only it was that easy for me.
“I’ll rest up today and I’ll be better by morning,” I said as I began to push myself to a better sitting position. Instead of being successful with that, my vision blurred, and I found myself rushing to the bathroom, where I threw up. The pounding in my head was too intense. Not only was I falling apart, I was falling apart in front of Connor, which made it that much worse. By this point, I felt as if he’d seen me at my worst a lot more than at my best.
Still, he stayed, joining me in the bathroom, holding my braids back.
“Maybe it was something you ate last night? Maybe something bad with that salad you ordered? If it’s a bad cold, maybe we need to shift our flights—”
“No!” I quickly said, shaking my head. “Don’t. I’ll be fine, I swear, Connor. By tomorrow I’ll be my normal self.”
“I can stay home with you today.”
I sat up a bit and forced a smile. “No, truly, it’s okay. I know you have a lot of work. Really, Connor. I’m good.”
He was hesitant but he agreed. He helped me back to the bed, making sure to tuck me in. “If you need anything, just call me—even if it’s just to talk. I’ll answer.”
“Thanks.”
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Feel better, Red.”
“Will do.”
The moment he left for work, I went ahead and called my doctor.
“I’m sure it’s just a cold,” I explained to Dr. Erickson as I sat in his office. “I made a mistake and got caught in the rain a few days ago, I’m sure my body is just fighting off the virus.” At least that was the lie I’d been telling myself over the past few days.
I could see the concern in Dr. Erickson’s eyes after he ran some tests. The worry on his face made me realize the fear I’d been running from was catching up with me. The medicine wasn’t enough to keep me going anymore. My body wasn’t working the way it needed to in order to function.
“Sadly, Aaliyah, it’s not just a cold.”
He pulled up a chair beside me and gave me a broken smile as he took off his glasses for a moment and pinched his nose. “Unfortunately, it appears everything we’ve been doing has run its course. It’s time we get more aggressive with treatment and switch gears.”
“You mean surgery?”
“With your condition, a surgical procedure is too much of a risk. We need to move forward with a heart transplant. It is the only option available at this time. Without it…” His words faltered and he gave me another fake smile. “You’re getting higher on the transplant list. Your time could be coming any day.”
“Any day, or any week? Or months? Or years…?” I said, knowing I’d already been waiting on that list for the longest time. It had been over three hundred days since I’d been placed on the transplant list, and nothing had come from it.
“You know it’s impossible to say, Aaliyah, but you are coming up close. For the time being, we do need to keep your health up the best we can. I have a few new medications we need to get going in your system. The next step also might be hospitalization up until the point where we can get you a transplant because—”
“Wait, no.” He raised a confused brow as I shook my head. “I have a trip to Kentucky coming up. I am flying down there in a few days.”
Dr. Erickson looked at me as if I were insane. “Oh, that’s not possible, Aaliyah. I’m sorry, but you cannot travel at this time. For one, with your condition, you are at a higher risk for blood clots and sitting on a cramped airplane isn’t wise. Also, you are at risk of infection and being around other travelers isn’t safe. Then there is the biggest reason—you are high on the donor list. You need to be in the area for when the call comes through. I’m sorry, but a trip to Kentucky isn’t going to happen.”
My damaged heart began to break some more. “What?”
“I’m sorry. That’s just not a possibility. Travel is completely out of the question.”
He kept talking, but my mind was already slipping away from the conversation.
For the past few weeks, I’d been falling in love with myself and Connor. I’d been forgetting about my health situation and falling into him. He’d been the escape I craved, making me dream past each day. Kentucky was just another part of the fantasy that excited me, but all of those dreams, all the make-believe came to a crashing halt when Dr. Erickson expressed how dire the situation had become.