“I’m over it.”
His brows lowered as he stared at me. My coldness toward him probably threw him off, but I couldn’t help it. I had to be cold so I could be strong.
“Give me another chance, Red. Please.”
I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. “You’re too late.”
“I love you,” he breathed out, his voice cracking and pained.
I looked at him, and I was certain my eyes were flashed with emotions. Then I parted my mouth and whispered the words, “I loved you, too.”
“Loved?”
“Yes. Loved.”
Past tense. It was a lie, but one I had to tell him.
“Aaliyah—”
“Please leave,” I stated sternly.
“But I…I hurt you,” he whispered again, his voice pained with the realization of what had taken place.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Let me try again.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because the first time it was you hurting me. If I let you come back, the second time would be me hurting myself.”
“Aaliyah—”
“I don’t have time for this, Connor. I don’t have time to waste anymore. I can’t do this back and forth thing with you.”
He slightly gave a nod, before parting his mouth to speak. I couldn’t let him do that, though. I couldn’t allow him to give me another word because his sounds made my heart skip beats. His sounds made me want to fall into him and forgive him. His sounds made me weak.
I couldn’t be weak anymore.
Still, his voice…
The way it spoke to me…
Just a little bit more of him…I just wanted a little more…time.
“I know you’re upset with me, and I know I’m a fucking idiot, but I need to tell you something, Aaliyah, something really important,” he urged.
“Can you leave?” I asked, not wanting him to go, but needing him to leave.
“I will, but I need you to know that—”
“Connor, I mean it, can you—”
“She’s your mother,” he blurted out, making me still my body completely.
“I’m sorry what?” He took a step in my direction, and I took a step backward. I held up a hand. “Stop, what do you mean? Who’s my mother?”
“Marie. She’s your mother. I uh…” He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “I had Damian do some digging into her after she showed up to my office acting like a nutcase. She was going on and on about how she didn’t go through all of this only to have you end up with someone other than Jason. Honestly, it was erratic, and crazed, and made no sense until Damian brought me proof.”
“Proof,” I huffed, shaking my head in disbelief. Why was he doing this? Why was he saying those words? There was no way that Marie was my mother. I would know if she was my mother. I would know if I was her daughter.
There’s no possible way…
I felt lightheaded as my mind began spinning trying to recall every situation that I’d been in with Marie. I met her at my barista job. She was always so kind to me. She introduced me to Jason. She told me she always wanted a daughter like me. She cried every time I called her a good mother.
No.
There was no way that could be true.
“I need you to leave,” I pushed out, feeling as if I was on the edge of having a mental breakdown. This was all too much for me to deal with. I was already swimming in a pool of issues, and I didn’t have the mental strength to add something this massive to the pile.
“Aaliyah—”
“Please,” I begged, closing my eyes to try to still my dizzy spell. When I reopened them, his blues were pinned on me. “Please leave, Connor.”
He swallowed hard and nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, Aaliyah. For everything. I know this is a lot, but I figured you should know. I love you, Aaliyah. I always will, and I hope you truly know that.” His eyes locked with mine for a brief second before he slid his hands into his slacks and whispered. “I’m never giving up on you. On us. I’m going to keep showing up for you. I love you, Aaliyah, and I’m not going to give this, give us, up.” He turned around and walked away.
If it weren’t for my brain, my heart would’ve begged him to stay. I didn’t let him walk away because I hated him. I let him go because I loved him. I knew he was sorry, and I knew if I allowed it, he’d stay. But I didn’t want that for him. I didn’t want him to suffer as my life came to an end.
I knew his past traumas. I couldn’t put him through more. Therefore, I lied to him in order to allow him to let me go. As he walked away, he hadn’t even known that he took a piece of me along with him.
I melted into my chair and tried to push down my emotions. My mind went right back to Marie. Breaths became harder and harder to breathe as she filled my head. Before I could process everything that had taken place, Maiv was standing in my doorway with a stern look on her face. Which wasn’t surprising, a stern look was Maiv’s default.