He snickered. No shit, Damian actually laughed. “You got scared, didn’t you?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I do. I’m not an idiot.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Is it because you found out she was sick?”
I looked at him, stunned by his words. “What? You knew?”
“Yup.”
“How?”
“I told you, I researched her. I did digging when I realized you liked her to make sure she had no skeletons in her closet.”
“And you found out she was sick?”
“Yup.”
He said it so calmly, which pissed me right the hell off. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!”
“Because I knew you’d push her away, which clearly that’s exactly what you did.”
I raked my hands through my hair. My blood was boiling as Damian told me all of this as if it wasn’t dire information that I could’ve used. If I knew Aaliyah was sick, I would’ve never let my feelings grow in the way they had. I would’ve never opened up. I would’ve never allowed myself to fall.
I knew better than this.
I knew better than to get close with someone.
“You should’ve told me,” I said.
“I’m glad I didn’t.”
“What the hell do you mean by that? You wanted me to feel shitty like this?” I barked as the rage built more and more.
“No. I just wanted you to feel.” He shifted in his chair and leaned forward. “I get it, man. I’m heartless. I don’t feel deep for anyone. I wasn’t built that way. But you’re different. You were made to love, but you let your fear of losing people get in the way. I knew if you found out Aaliyah was sick, you’d push her to the side because of fear.”
I knitted my brows together and grimaced. “That’s not why I stopped things with her. I stopped because she lied about it.”
“But she didn’t.”
“Omitting telling me the truth is a lie.”
“I don’t tell you when I go to shit, but that doesn’t mean I lied about it. It just wasn’t something I told you.”
“I’m being serious, Damian.”
“So am I. Stop acting like she’s some kind of devil because she didn’t tell you how bad off she was. You’re acting like a dick.”
“Fuck off a bit, will you, Damian?”
“Nah. I’m good.” He made himself comfortable in his chair. “Let’s unpack this situation.”
“There’s nothing to unpack.”
“There you go lying. Your baggage is heavy, shit, maybe heavier than mine.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you pushed Aaliyah away because you’re scared of her dying.”
I started shifting paperwork around on my desk. “I really don’t have time for this, Damian. So, if you don’t have anything work-related to tell me…”
“I don’t.”
“Then you can leave. And you know what? Fuck you for not telling me about her. That was really shitty.”
“What can I say? I’m a shitty person. Go ahead, be pissed at me, I don’t give a fuck. Take as long as you need to throw your anger my way. Whatever makes you happy. But then, at some point you’re going to have to face the fact that you’re throwing away something good because you’re afraid.”
“What do you want me to do, huh? She’s dying, Damian and—”
“We’re all fucking dying!” he snapped, tossing his hands up in irritation. “The day we take our first damn breath, we begin to rot. The only real guarantee in life is that we will all meet our maker someday. Life’s clock is ticking loud for all of us, man. We could walk outside and get hit by a semi and have our lives ended in a split second. That’s it. That’s the only thing this world promises us—death. But with Aaliyah, you have an actual shot at living. A lot of assholes are alive but aren’t living. They aren’t tapping into the deepest levels of happiness, and you could do that with Aaliyah no matter how short that time would be.”
“You don’t understand…”
“Sure, I do. Before you met me, I wasn’t living. I was merely existing, but then you came into my life and gave me drive. You gave me family. So, don’t tell me I don’t understand. Whatever, man. Be pissed for as long as you need to, but don’t miss out on that level of happiness due to your own stubborn fear. Most people don’t get a shot at real love before they die. Don’t be those people.” He stood from his chair. “Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Stop being a fucking dick and talk to Aaliyah.”
I lowered my head and released a weighted sigh. He was right, but I wasn’t sure how to go about any of it.
“Hey, Damian?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you do some digging on Marie Rollsfield?”
He seemed surprised by my request. When we first met, I made it clear that I didn’t want him digging up anything on anyone I knew before meeting Damian. But something felt off with Marie. I knew something was wrong with the whole Jason situation, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.