“I think you to go,” Jax said as we sat on the edge of his bed.
“No, Jax. I’m not going to leave you.”
I kept reassuring him of that fact, but I wasn’t certain he was even hearing me anymore.
He was unplugged from his surroundings, unplugged from his feelings, unplugged from me.
He shifted around as he sat down on his mattress before clearing his throat. “I have to use the bathroom.”
I stood to my feet as he stood. He gave me a weak smile. “You don’t have to follow me to the toilet, Sun. I think I can handle that.”
“Right. Of course. Okay. I’ll be right here waiting.” I sat back down as he walked out of the room. A few moments later, I heard the engine of his truck start up. I dashed to the front door in time to watch him drive away.
* * *
“He hasn’t been answering his phone. I’ve been calling nonstop. It’s been over four hours,” I explained to Yoana the moment she arrived at my place. “I’m really worried.”
“I’m sure he’s okay. He probably needed to clear his mind. Everything that happened was a lot for him.”
“I don’t want him out there alone, though. I want to be there for him. I feel like he needs someone, but he’s pushing everyone away. I know what that hell is like. I pushed you away for a whole year because I knew you would give me comfort, and I didn’t think I deserved it.”
The sadness of that truth stung Yoana’s eyes. “You love him, don’t you?”
I nodded. “With everything I am.”
She gave me a broken smile and nudged me in the arm. “Do you know what you do when you love somebody?”
“What’s that?”
“Love them so much more on their worst days. Jax is hurting, and even though he might not think he does, he needs you. He needs you more than ever before. Do you know what I would do if it was Nathan?”
I waited for her answer.
She stood, walked to the front door, and began putting on her tennis shoes. “I’d search every corner of the world to bring him back home to me. So, let’s go searching.”
I grabbed my shoes, and we were on our way.
35
Jax
“Whiskey,” I muttered, sliding my empty glass toward the bartender. I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting inside that bar. I didn’t know how long I’d been there. I drove off from Kennedy and her comfort because my mind was too messed up. I needed to get away, and when I made it out of town, I realized I had nowhere else to go.
I didn’t know anything else but that damn town.
So, I ended up in Ray’s Bar and Grill, drunk off my ass on a Saturday night. I was officially to the point where the whiskey stopped burning and my thoughts went blank. Good. I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to deal with the fact that after years of trying to make up for my past mistakes, I’d still failed. I was homeless, with nothing to show for it.
I gave my father everything I had, and he screwed me over. Even though he told me that someday I’d get the land. Even though he swore it would be passed down to me. That was my mistake—believing in a liar. I might as well had believed in Santa Claus.
“You sure you haven’t had enough, Jax?” Ray asked, narrowing his eyes. What was the deal with people naming the restaurants after their first names in this town? Did they lack that much creativity?
Shit.
I was drunk.
“I buried an asshole today, Ray. I could handle more whiskey,” I muttered.
Ray frowned. “Heard about that.” He didn’t offer me his condolences, because he was an honest man. He wasn’t sad that my father had passed away. Didn’t blame him. Yet, he did place my glass back in front of me and leave the whiskey bottle with me.
I raked my hands through my hair that was wild and untamed before pouring myself another glass. I shut off my phone, to avoid Kennedy’s calls that kept coming through. I wasn’t ready to feel good. I wasn’t ready for her love that she was going to give to me.
All I wanted to do was drown in my pathetic truths.
All I wanted was to be left alone.
Unfortunately, I knew that wasn’t going to happen the moment I heard a giggling voice come crashing into the bar. “Oh my gosh, Lars! Stop it,” Amanda snorted.
I glanced over my shoulder to see two Amandas and three Lars’ barging into the place. They were tipsy, obvious, and dancing to the country music that was blaring on the radio. Since when was music playing?
Maybe the whole time.
I blinked a few times and shook my head. Turned out there were only one Amanda and one Lars. Whatever. It didn’t matter.