“I’m not sure you do.”
I clenched my jaw. I liked being objectified—when it was about him wanting my body. But when he actually treated me like an object to be passed around in some deal, well, that was way too far. I wasn’t going to be passive and let him do whatever he wanted with me. My cousin had no say in my life, and had nothing to do with whoever I chose to spent time with.
“I’m not some tool you can sell for your own gain,” I said.
“It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it?” I stormed away, into the living room, and he looked out at me over the counter. I had so much angry, nervous energy, and I couldn’t stay still. “I get it, you think you’re a sinking ship, right? You don’t want me to get dragged down with you?”
“That’s right,” he said. “And you know it’s true. This crap with Westview’s going to leave a stain, even if I do find a new position.”
I shook my head. “It’s not going to stain me.”
“Of course it will. If you’re my resident during it all, and you never walk away—”
“I don’t have to be your resident,” I said, interrupting him. “I just want to be a part of your life.” I stood staring at him, heart racing, breathing hard. I felt a nervous bead of sweat roll down between my shoulder blades as I stared into his eyes.
I felt ripped open and laid bare. He saw me, really saw me then, and he came around the counter, moving toward me. I backed up until I bumped into the arm of the couch, and ended up sitting on it.
He lingered above me, and ran a finger down my chin.
“You know we can’t,” he said, speaking softly. “It would be so much worse, if anyone found out.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should.” He pulled his hand away, but I wanted him to put it back. I wanted to feel his palm against my cheek, his thumb in my mouth. I wanted to bite his skin and hear a soft grunt of pain, mixed with a growl of pleasure, as my tongue rolled around.
“We’re two consenting adults, and if you’re not my attending anymore—”
“But I was,” he said. “And if there’s a whiff of controversy then it’ll blow back all over you. I don’t want that to ruin your chances. You’re a good surgeon, Lori.”
“I know that,” I said, and laughed a little. “I was trained by the best.”
“We can’t do this,” he said.
But I noticed that he didn’t move away. He still stood above me, inches from me, and his eyes burned into mine—and down along my body, like he couldn’t help himself.
And I realized that he didn’t want this. It hit me, so obvious. He’d been saying it all along. He wanted to walk away, he knew it would be better for me, but he hadn’t been able to do it. Even now, when my cousin gave him a deal to save his career, he still couldn’t turn me away.
I showed up, and he let me come up.
He could’ve told his doorman to reject me. If he were smart, that’s what he should have done. If he really wanted to get away from me and to put distance between us, I’d still be outside now, wondering what I did.
Instead, we’re alone in his apartment.
“You don’t mean that,” I said. “You don’t want to walk away from this.”
“Lori—”
“You don’t.” I stood up, forcing him to take a half step back, leaving barely any distance between us. “You could’ve sent me home, but you didn’t. You keep doing this, but you won’t let go.”
“So what?” he said, a slight snarl to his voice. “So what if I can’t do it? You think I wanted any of this?”
“I think you have a choice, and you refuse to make it.”
“I never had a choice.”
“Yes, you do.” I moved closer. I pressed myself against him.
I dared him to do something about it.
He seemed torn, and the energy between us sizzled. It was so tense, I thought I might pass out from the strain. His hands moved up to my arms and gripped them, but didn’t move. I wanted those hands on my hips. I pressed my breasts against his chest and tilted my chin up, lips parted.
I wanted him to look. He stared down at my tongue as it parted between my teeth ever so slightly.
His jaw clenched as his hands moved down my arms, toward my hips.
“If we get caught, you’re done,” he whispered.
“Do you really think I care about that?” I asked, tilting my head. “After all this, do you really think I care? If my career was so important, I’d never have come back here. I’d be in that hospital right now, following boring Dr. Baker.”