The last block consisted of mostly empty lots filled with abandoned cars, machinery, and derelict buildings overwhelmed with foliage. Soon the whole world would look like that, she supposed.
Except for the Fort.
Hopefully.
The town remained in view through the lattice of tree branches while the school bus circumvented the main roads. It was prettier away from the recent war zone. Flowers bloomed along the shoulders of the road and the sky was a brilliant blue overhead. Staring out at the hilly countryside brushed by the morning light, Emma discreetly wiped an unexpected tear away. It was hard to wrap her mind around just how much her world had changed so swiftly. While walking through the Fort, she was often tempted to pinch herself just to make sure that she wasn't dreaming this new life.
After spending so much time alone, she was finding it difficult to adjust being around other people. The scents wafting off their bodies were strong and she’d often discreetly rubbed her nose to stifle the odor. It wasn’t just the natural body odor that was assailing her, but the reek of cigarette smoke, aftershave, and coffee.
What Emma found particularly embarrassing was that she jumped every time she heard a voice after a long pause in conversations. It was too easy to fall back into a silent world, but she was learning to appreciate the hum of people talking around her.
At the front of the bus, Juan wrapped up a discussion he was having with Nerit and sauntered down the aisle toward her. He’d rolled up his jacket sleeves, revealing more brown muscled skin. Emma tried not to notice his attractiveness, but it was hard. Sliding into the seat in front of her, Juan slumped against the window and took off his cowboy hat to run a trembling hand through his damp curls.
“Everything okay?” Emma dared to ask.
“Yeah. It’s good. Sorta.”
“That’s not encouraging.”
“It’s nothing bad about the mission. I just have this feeling I forgot to do something before we left.”
“You have your pistol, rifle, and machete. Your team. A plan.” Emma ticked the list off on her fingers.
Juan nodded at each bullet point and then smacked his forehead with his palm. “Shit! I forgot to let the kids know I was heading out. They were sleeping, but I should've woken them up to say goodbye.”
Emma winced, understanding parental guilty panic well. “Probably, but maybe it would upset them to know what you're doing.”
“Maybe. I was so worried about Belinda that I completely spaced it. Gawddammit.”
It was evident that Belinda was extremely important to Juan. The mere mention of her left him looking stricken. Of course, he was worried about his old friend who could be stranded on the hill, or worse—dead. Emma was starting to wonder if there was more to the equation than Juan having unrequited feelings for Belinda.
“I can’t believe I did that, Em. Shit! I’m learning how to be a dad, you know? I love those kids, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I get hyper-focused and forget how to parent.”
“Juan, we all fuck up as parents. Billy once cried and re
fused to talk to me for three hours because I forgot to kiss him goodbye before going to the grocery store. I felt like a criminal. Parents get distracted, Juan. You have to forgive yourself.”
“I know you’re right, but Jason is going to be pissed.”
“The oldest kid, right?”
“Yeah. We’re pretty tight now. He hated me for a while, but we got past that. He’s a teenager so he knows it all and loves to lecture me about how I’m fuckin’ up.” Juan grinned with affection. “He’s such a great kid.”
Emma barely knew Juan, yet she cared about his situation and feelings. Of course, she was attracted to him, since she was a sucker for men with bodies chiseled by hard work, deeply tanned skin, and curly hair. But there was also kindness in his green eyes, a vulnerability, which called out to her. Again, she pushed back at the connection she sensed between them. Emma kept telling herself that after being alone for so long she was just craving companionship in all its forms.
“He might be mad for a little bit, but he’ll get over it. I’m sure he knows you love him.”
Juan folded his arms over his chest. “Jason was mad when I didn't tell him about going out to find Macy. It's mostly because the second I'm late, Margie, my oldest girl, thinks I'm dead and gets the younger ones riled up. It doesn't help that Jason worries because his mom...” Closing his eyes, Juan gave himself a few seconds to compose himself. “Jenni died on a scavenger mission to get medical supplies to save my life.”
“So then you don’t disappoint him by dying.”
Maybe her straightforwardness startled him, but Juan gave her a surprised look.
“We do what we have to, save who we can, and go back in one piece,” Emma continued. “Just like we did yesterday.”
“Em, you're pragmatic as fuck. I can see now how you wiped out your entire town.”
Emma wasn’t sure it was a compliment.