“What can I say? I’m a girl and I was distracted by a cute puppy and some diamonds on the side of the road and whoops, airhead me.”
“You set me up.”
“Did it work?” she asked.
“It worked.”
She cackled like a cartoon witch.
“I’m so evil,” she said. “Did you ask Clover out finally?”
“Yes.”
“Yes! I knew it! Goddess be praised. When are you going out?”
“Um, we had a date last night.” Erick hadn’t expected follow-up questions. He should have prepared some canned answer better.
“Already? Last night? Where’d you go?”
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it matters. Clover is easily my favorite person on the planet. You have to treat her well. Unlike me, she is classy.”
“That she is. And yes, very unlike you.”
“You didn’t take her to the mac-and-cheese place, did you?”
“What’s wrong with the mac-and-cheese place? They have truffle fries.”
“Oh, Goddess, you did. Poor Clover. She deserves so much better than that. You could have taken her up to Timber Ridge. They’re at least organic. I can’t believe your first date with her was to a place with deer heads on the walls. What were you thinking?”
“Calm down. We didn’t even go out to dinner.”
“But you said you went out on a date last night.”
“I did.”
“You asked her out but you didn’t go out? What do you mean you asked her out and you had a date but you didn’t...”
Erick started sweating. When did it get so hot in the house?
“Ruthie, you’re overthinking this—”
“You had a date with her last night and you didn’t go out.”
“We need to discuss your phone bill.”
“Oh, my God.”
Oh, fuck. When Ruthie said “God” instead of “Goddess,” the shit was about to hit the fan.
“Calm down, Ruthless.”
“You did it with Clover.”
“I am your father and we are not discussing my private life.”
Ruthie screamed.