“I know. She took me shopping for Brie’s birthday. We went to two towns and thirteen stores.”
I smirked. If that didn’t sum Shelby up… “She’s flaked on every serious relationship she’s ever come close to having. Nobody has ever understood her. She’s not afraid of commitment, she’s just private. Ironic, really, considering she’s happy to admit that she puts a piece of her soul into every single book she writes.”
“We’re different people. Not knowing exactly how she felt… Shit, Jay, even when Brie’s mad at me, I know exactly how she feels.” He gave me an exhausted look. “Her ass makes sure she details every single thing.”
“You’re talking about a woman who put a roommate agreement in front of me to tell me exactly how she felt. The first thing she did yesterday was outlaw wearing pants in the apartment. That tells me a lot.”
It was also my new favorite rule, for what it was worth.
She’d worn a dress this morning.
If I hadn’t had to go to work, we would have made it three-for-three on the sex timetable before lunch.
Sean laughed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Well, if that ain’t love…”
“You’re a step ahead of us there.” I joined him in laughing. “It’s the little shit like that. She’s hard work, but hell, I’ve put up with it for twenty years already.”
“I thought you weren’t in love with her.”
“I’m not. That doesn’t mean I don’t love her, though. I do. I love her and have for years. It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, because now you live with her, and she’s not just the cute friend you go to for advice.”
I glanced at him. “She’s the one I go to other people about.”
“Exactly.” He shrugged. “You make sense to me. Let’s face it: you fuckin’ suck at being an adult. Your grandma washed your clothes until recently. She’s a good influence on you.”
“She always has been.” I looked out over the pier. At the food stalls, the lights, the tourist-centric rides, and arcades that brought people to our little coastal town.
What I was saying was true. The crazy, sweet, quiet, sarcastic, kooky woman who was my best friend was a good influence on me.
We just really needed to figure out what we were to each other.
I think I already knew what she was to me. It felt so trivial to say that she was my kind of forever because if I was honest, I’d never imagined a future without Shelby in it.
Maybe that was my first clue.
Not once had I ever seen a future without her, but I’d never seen one with her on the sidelines, either.
She’d always been front and central, an integral part of my life.
Even if she avoided the gym like the plague. The same one I’d own one day.
I chuckled to myself. Jesus, we were the total opposite of each other. I was fit and liked to work out. She considered a workout writing two thousand words and reaching for the Oreos.
I could easily run five miles on the treadmill without breaking a sweat. The only place Shelby ran was to the sofa so she didn’t miss the next episode of her latest TV obsession.
And she could talk about her ‘extra fifteen pounds’ all she liked, but I was obsessed with her the way she was. I didn’t see the hang-ups she apparently had with her body.
I saw her singing into a fucking mop like she was some nineties heartthrob. I saw her ordering a salad with a pizza because she considered that a balanced meal. I saw her neglecting the things that made her feel good because she had to write right-the-fuck-now. I saw her scribbling into notebooks and sending voice messages and emails to herself because she needed to get the idea down right now.
Shelby was more than she valued herself at, and I’d die trying to show her that.
Shit.
Maybe Sean was right.
Maybe I was in love with her.
Or if I wasn’t there, I was well on my way. I already knew I was falling. Like a fucking avalanche.
It was easier to not put it into words. To say I had feelings for her was so much more manageable than putting a real label on how I felt, especially since I knew she wanted to take it slower.
She wanted a natural progression of the relationship. That was never going to happen, but that didn’t mean I had to stand under a moonlit sky and profess my undying love.
Shit. She’d probably kick me in the balls.
And the very thought of that made me laugh like hell.
“What’s so funny?” Sean asked, eyeing me with confusion.
“Me,” I replied, looking in the direction of the entrance to the pier right as two familiar figures appeared.
Shelby and Brie were walking close together. Brie’s black hair made Shelby’s brown hair look brighter than usual, and as they got closer, I could see that they had their arms linked and their heads close as they talked.