I felt the warmth of his body as he stepped up next to me and thank God I had to wipe off the board and knife in the sink several feet away from him.
“Is this Grams’ carbonara recipe?”
I nodded as I cleaned off my things, not daring to look at him. I feared that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to look away again. “I stopped by on the way to the store. She wrote it out for me.” I half-heartedly pointed at the piece of paper on top of the mushrooms.
“You went there especially to get this?”
“No. I tried to get her spaghetti one, but she was having none of it. Hit me with this one instead and told me she’d leave the spaghetti to me in her will. I figured that was the best I was going to get.”
Jay laughed, moving so that I could put the board back down again. “You’re lucky she promised that. She swore to Mom once that she’d be buried with it.”
“I’m sure it’ll only be handed over with the demand I sign a non-disclosure.”
“That sounds like Grams.” He leaned against the island, gripping the edge of the counter with his hands. “So. If you’re cooking my favorite, that means there’s something wrong.”
I filled another pan with water and set it to boil for the carbonara pasta. “Maybe I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
“No.”
“I can do nice things for people.”
“Yes, but when you cook for them, it means you have bad news.”
Sighing, I turned around. “It’s not bad news, okay? I really did just want to do something nice for you. I wanted to… say sorry… for my behavior last night.”
Jay smirked. “For getting drunk, telling me about the voice in your head wanting sex, and accidentally kissing me?”
I opened my mouth before closing it again and nodding once. “Yes. All of that.”
He dipped his chin, laughing as he looked at the floor. “Shelby—”
“No, listen.” I wiped my hands on a towel and held them up. “It was a mistake, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and there was no need for me to go in and kiss your cheek anyway.”
He peered up at me through dark eyelashes, his eyes flashing a stunning green, but didn’t say anything.
“Now that’s said, we can move on and forget it ever happened, okay?”
Jay clenched his jaw, but when he still remained silent, I sighed and turned around. If he wasn’t going to talk to me, I couldn’t talk to him.
Besides, I’d said my piece now. I’d apologized, explained, and moved on.
That was it. That was all that needed to happen.
I moved the recipe and tore into the mushrooms, grabbing a handful to put on the board. Jay still wasn’t speaking, but I could feel his eyes boring into my back. He’d burn a hole through my chest if he carried on like that.
I shivered, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. Still, neither of us talked. Not as I put the pasta into boiling water or as I created the sauce or as I cooked the beef, onion, and mushrooms.
Jay just stood there, against the island, watching me.
It was unnerving. I didn’t know what was going through his head, and I wanted to. Dear God, I wanted to know. I wanted to turn around and demand he say something, but every time I went to, the words got stuck in my throat.
I stirred the food until everything was done and I was able to drain the pasta and mix everything together. Serving it up, I glanced back at Jay. My eyes met his for the briefest second, and something about his intense gaze made my stomach flip.
Could Brie have been right? Was my crush mutual?
No—Jesus Christ, Shelby. That’s ridiculous.
Don’t even go there. That was a dangerous road to travel down.
I handed Jay his plate, and he uttered a quiet but tight “Thank you,” and took his plate to the small, round dining table. I joined him, sitting on the opposite side.
The silence stretched as we ate. It wasn’t the ‘moving on’ I’d hoped for, but hey, it was better than avoiding each other, right?
No.
It wasn’t.
Silence was the worst.
The literal worst. I couldn’t begin to guess what he was thinking. The tension in the air was crawling across my skin, making the hairs on my arms stand up, making me want to shiver until I shook it off.
This was horrible.
He was my best friend. There had never been anything we couldn’t talk to each other about, and my stupid, tipsy actions had created something.
Ugh.
I glanced up at him, catching his eye for a brief second. He dropped his gaze the second our eyes connected, so I just sighed and got up to put my plate in the sink. I needed to empty the dishwasher, but I just wasn’t in the mood right now.