"ID?" Grandma snapped.
I pulled my driver's license out of my purse and handed it over.
Jace rubbed his face with his hands.
"It seems the only seats we have next to one another that are available are in the back of the plane."
The ticket lady's pinched expression gave me the impression that they were bad seats.
"We'll take them," Grandma announced. "And I'll take first class with the honeymooners."
I wasn't really sure what was so bad about the back of the plane. I looked to Jace for help, but he was busy scrolling through text messages like someone who'd just taken a shot of espresso and didn't know how to handle the jolt of adrenaline that followed.
"Thank you, Ilene. As always you're so helpful." Grandma patted the lady's hand and smiled.
"Do you know everyone?" I whispered so only Grandma could hear.
"Oh, honey," Grandma handed me my ticket, "what's the use in doing the Lord's work if you don't have the connections needed to pull it off?"
Sound logic. Damn her.
"Yoohoo!" Grandma called and then whistled.
I winced. Travis cursed. Jake shook his head and
seemed to be speaking in a different language, and Kacey just laughed.
"It's time to go through security." She turned her attention to Jake. "Son, hide your drugs."
"What?" His eyes widened.
"Kidding." Grandma pinched Jake's cheek and let out a giggle.
Nobody joined in. That shit could get you arrested.
"Sense of humor!" Grandma slapped her leg and laughed again. "Oh sometimes I just kill myself."
"I've tried," Travis grumbled. "No cockblocking."
Did he really just say that? Out loud? To his grandmother.
Embarrassed, I looked away. Who spoke to an elderly woman like that? Did she even know what that meant?
"Sweetie," Grandma dug through her purse and pulled out a tube of red lipstick, "I'm already finished with you. You can have all the sex you want. You too, Jake."
The last time my face had felt this red was when I was in the sixth grade and accidently tucked my skirt into my tights.
"Uh, thanks?" Jake answered.
"Besides, I'm finished with you two. My work is done. Now your wives can continue in my footsteps. Actually, that's not true. If I don't see great-grandchildren in a year, I may have to re-evaluate my five-year plan. At any rate. My eyes or the eye of Sauron—"
"Ah, Lord Of The Rings' quotes… of course," Travis interjected and pointed a finger at Jake. "That's what you get for making her watch all the movies after the wedding. You get an eighty-six-year-old woman thinking she has some sort of wizardly magic."
"As I was saying, the Eye is on these two."
Grandma pointed in my direction, and I could have sworn I felt the laser beam from her polished nail.
I stepped behind a very pale Jace, hoping that the whole finger-pointing magic would drain directly into him and leave me the hell alone.