And, as she goes, I know that I am going to have to do something impressive if I have a hope in hell of seeing her again.
Chapter Eight
Ellie
I make it back to the house before the tears start to fall. Just barely. But I have to do everything that I can to contain myself right now, because I feel as though I have been stabbed in the chest.
He just wanted to use me. For sex? Maybe. So he could have a date to stir up some easy drama at his new premiere? That feels equally possible. I don’t even know if there was anyone on the other end of that call that he answered this morning, or if it had just been a polite way for him to get rid of me.
I rip off the dress that I had been forced to wear home, jump into the shower, and let the tears fall. I feel so used. I know that I should have seen through him – when a man like that turns up on your doorstep, you don’t just let him take you to bed and think that he’s going to stick around for anything else.
But what we shared the night before... I know that it was something real. There is no way that even an actor as talented as him could pull that off. I am sure that when he looked into my eyes, listened to me tell him about my parents, about how much I longed for someone to settle down with, he understood where I was coming from.
He had shared much the same thing, told me how much he wanted a life like the one the rest of his family had, but all of that... it must have just been a play. Maybe practice for some role that he was going to take on next or something. Maybe that was how he got so good as a leading man, by trying his hand with any women who came his way and using what he learned from them to do what he had to do on-screen.
Carmen is out, much to my relief, because I know that she will want to know every detail of what happened last night, and I don’t feel as though I can actually say any of it out loud yet. The water in the shower burns off the memory of his touch on my skin, and it takes everything I have not to think about how good it had felt for him to hold me, how happy I had been when I woke up this morning and saw him there beside me. I want to go back to that. To the moment before the call came and it all fell apart at the seams.
Wrapped in my bathrobe, I crawl onto the couch and rest my head on the arm as I try to push all of that to the back of my mind. The last thing I need right now is to go torturing myself with that. It’s just a mistake, we all make them, that’s what I always tell the kids in my classes. Nothing to get upset over.
But I feel as though we really had something, and the shock of realizing that we didn’t is more than I can take. I’m pissed with myself, annoyed that I didn’t think this through.
He’s a goddamn movie star.
How the hell is he ever going to have time for someone like me? My entire life is here with the kids that I teach, with Carmen. He’s probably only here a dozen or so days out of the year. He just wanted a fling before he took off once more. And I happen to be the one who stepped into his eyeline first. Nothing more to read into it than that.
But, in the back of my head, I had already been planning what came next with him. Spending the weekends together, going off to premieres with him. This life might not have been one that I was used to, but I was certain that I could find my way into it as long as he was there to lead me through.
Not that any of that matters any longer. He is likely on his jet to Europe right now. He told me that he would call as soon as he got back, but that’s probably just something he says to make sure that the women he brings home don’t cause too much of a scene. God only knows when he’s going to be back in town, and I am hardly of the opinion that he is actually going to bother getting in touch with me. He got what he wanted. And now, I am left to pick up the pieces that he has left behind.
I eventually manage to peel myself off the couch, and go to the fridge to scavenge for something to eat. Just as I open it, I hear a knock at the door – has Carmen lost her keys again? I go over to it and open it without looking through the peephole...