Oh yes. Oh yes. I begin to pant as he moves over me, tearing at his loincloth. He shoves one of my legs up, exposing me wide. Oh yes.
And then, my mate pauses. He shakes his head and rolls away. "Pashov."
Oh no. Oh no no no.
I sit up, reaching over to touch his shoulder. "Are you okay, babe?"
"It did not…feel right." He shakes his head, then tugs on his long braid. "It felt…"
I can guess. It felt like he was forcing me. He's not into the moment, like he was before. His mind is still freaking out on him. My poor, sweet mate. He's trying so hard to make me happy. I press my cheek to his shoulder. "Thank you for trying, love. It's a process, you know? It doesn't have to be overnight."
The look he gives me is tortured. "I am trying to be the male you need me to be."
"You already are," I say softly. I hate that this is making him feel like less. That he feels like he's messing things up. I reach for him. "Come to bed."
"But you…and me…"
"We can just snuggle if you want?" I offer, and hold my arms out.
Dagesh turns and nods. We settle into the furs, my arms around him, his head pressing against my breasts. As he drifts to sleep, I stroke his hair and his horns, thinking. He's so worried about hurting me that he can't lose himself in the moment. I need to somehow get him in that moment with me, to where he forgets all about his boundaries and just focuses on taking what he wants.
We'll get there. Eventually.
His hand twitches on my waist, and I realize he's still awake. "Dagesh? Can you not sleep?"
He holds me a little tighter. "It is nothing."
I skim my fingers over his jaw. "What's nothing? Talk to me." When he's silent, I press on. "Come on. A secret for a secret. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine."
I mean, I'll have to come up with a “secret” but sure. Right now, I'm more interested in hearing what's going on in that head of his. What's worrying him so much that it's keeping him awake.
"It is not really a secret," Dagesh admits.
"Then spit it out."
He chuckles, then falls silent again. I think he's not going to answer me at all, and then he finally speaks. "Not all of me can go to sleep."
I chuckle at that. "Poor baby. Is your dick so hard it's bothering you?" I stroke his velvety skin, touching him everywhere I can reach. "You want some help with that?"
"But you do not enjoy matings…not like that." He lifts his head and gazes down at me, worry written across his features. "And I am not sure—"
I press a finger to his lips, quieting him. He's overthinking everything. "It can just be about you this time, you know."
"How?" His lips move against my finger.
I sit up and press my hand to his shoulder. "Get on your back for me, and I'll show you."
Dagesh does, and I can see his cock in the darkness, stiff as could be. He must have been holding back so he wouldn't rub it against my leg and give himself away. No wonder he can't sleep. I gaze down at my big, vulnerable mate, and I'm filled with such love for him. He's trying. He's really trying. And me, I haven't tried nearly as hard, have I? I realize I've never gone down on him. Part of me just kept hoping he'd lose control or start barking orders while in bed, and I never took any kind of initiative to pleasure my mate.
If our sex has been…not bad, but not great…it's partially my fault, too. I haven't been clear with what I needed, despite knowing that he was a virgin and inexperienced. It's time for me to quit feeling sorry for myself and go about fixing things with my mate before I mess everything up.
I lean over him and kiss his mouth lightly. "You lay back, all right?"
"I am already on my back."
I giggle at his obviousness. "Well, stay there. And you can't touch me, unless it's to pull on my hair, all right?"
He hesitates. "I am not sure…"
Does he think I'm going to try and pressure him into something he doesn't want? "Just trust me, all right? I promise you'll like this."
Dagesh nods, his eyes glowing in the darkness.
I smile and kiss him again, my tongue flicking against his in a tease. He kisses me back, all hunger and yearning, and for a moment, I'm lost in his lips, letting the world ebb away. There's nothing but the two of us in the darkness, together. When I end the kiss, I move lower, pressing my lips to his chest. His khui is humming, the song gentle and affectionate, the satisfied purr of a man with his mate. It's such a different song than the one from before that was all urgency, and I press a kiss over his heart, as if I can reassure his khui that he's in good hands.