"I hate that I must hunt," I confess. "Vektal wishes for us to make sure all the caches are full before the brutal season arrives, since we have so many new tribe members."
"You do what you have to do, baby." She gives my tail a little stroke and then pats my behind affectionately. No-rah loves to touch me all over, her caresses playful and full of love all at once. "I'll sit by the pool and maybe do some sewing. Gossip with the others. I'm making you a tunic, you know."
"I have seen it." I smile at her, caressing her head. It is the ugliest tunic I have ever seen, and I will wear it with so much pride. "I will return quickly once I have checked all my traps. This I promise."
"I'll be fine," she tells me again, a hint of exasperation in her voice. "You worry too much."
Of course I worry. I have so much to lose now, and I never did before.
* * *
I think about my No-rah all morning as I hike through the snow, checking the traps I have left along the trails. It is a path I have walked handful after handful of times before, and my feet know the trail well enough that I can lose myself in thought. I think about my mate and the fact that she is not telling me something. But what? She says she is happy, and most of the time she is. It is just that sometimes, I feel as if she pulls away, or she is frustrated, and it confuses me.
I am so very careful with her. I do everything I can to please her, and yet…I worry it is not enough. Other females have discarded their mate once resonance was fulfilled and sought pleasure from others. It is not common, but it has happened before. Has she…does she care for another? Do I make her unhappy? My heart clenches at the thought. She says she loves me and she touches me constantly. She smiles.
I do not think she wants another mate.
I just…do not know what she wants.
As I ponder this, I see another heading down one of the trails. I stare at the distant figure for a moment. It is Pashov, evident from the way he walks and holds himself. I raise a hand in greeting, moving to meet him. My traps can wait a time. Perhaps I need to speak to someone else about what is troubling me.
"Ho," I call out to him. "How is your luck this day?"
"Rotten." He jogs toward me, a smile on his face. "I would much rather be at my mate's side instead of pulling trap after empty trap. You?"
I shrug. "Some luck. Some not." I take one of the hoppers hanging from my belt and offer it to him. "For your new mate. I have enough for mine this evening."
"My thanks, brother." Pashov takes it and ties it to his belt, shaking his head. "It seems like there is never enough meat in the brutal season to go around, and to think of all these extra mouths to feed is a bit worrying…and yet I would change nothing."
I nod in silence. If I had to give up every meal so my No-rah can eat, I would gladly do so. Her health—and the health of the kit she now carries—is the most important thing. "How is your Stay-see?"
I did not think it was possible for him to smile any wider, but the grin that splits his face is enormous. "She is perfect. Just perfect. I never thought I could be so happy with a mate. She is smart, too. You should see the things she cooks for me. It is like she sees the food we have and makes it better. And in the furs…" he sighs, utterly content. "No male is as lucky as me." He pauses and then laughs. "Other than you, of course. And Zolaya. And Zennek. And Vektal. But I feel…I feel like Stay-see truly was meant to be mine. The moment I saw her, I knew. And I have been floating in the clouds ever since."
It is hard not to smile at his earnest enthusiasm. All of us who have resonated feel changed. And yet…I think about my No-rah and how she sometimes seems very far away from me. I worry I am doing something wrong. That I am somehow not pleasing her. "Are your matings good with your female?"
Pashov looks confused. "Of course. Why would they not be? You know to touch the third nipple, yes? The clit?"
"Yes, I know that." I try not to get irritated. Pashov is as inexperienced as I am when it comes to females, and I do not need him educating me. It must not be mating that bothers No-rah, then. I always touch her clit, and she says she always comes. I ponder this and decide mating cannot be the problem. "Has Stay-see talked to No-rah lately? Has No-rah said if something is bothering her? Sometimes I worry she is sad, but when I ask her, she promises nothing is wrong."