He steps toward me. “I know you want to.”
“You do?” I sneak a glance at my coral-pink Pom bracelet.
Is that what gave me away? Or is it something about the way I smell or look?
Instead of replying, he dips his head and presses his lips to mine.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
At first, I’m too shocked to do anything but process the sensations. His lips are soft and warm, their gentle, undemanding pressure making me crave more. But then unwelcome statistics flood my brain, the ones about the millions of bacteria we’re already exchanging, even with our mouths closed.
If the kiss gets more intimate, our microbiomes will merge and stay that way forever and ever. And bacteria are just the tip of the frightening iceberg. Viruses such as herpes simplex or papilloma are also real possibilities—depending on who else Valerian has kissed before me.
I don’t know if it’s the idea that he’s kissed others or my dread of germs, but I pull away from the kiss.
There’s a hurt expression on his gorgeous face.
Puck. Did I pull away too sharply? And, germs aside, was pulling away what I really wanted?
Feeling like an idiot, I take a step back—and my foot plunges into the cold pond water. I squeal and flail my arms to regain my balance, but my other foot slips off the edge.
Valerian lunges forward and catches me, yanking me to safety.
As soon as I’m steady on my feet, he releases me, his face unreadable.
Mumbling a weak thanks, I beeline for the door, leaving wet footprints behind me.
My emotions in turmoil, I get into a car. Thank the stars it’s self-driving. The last thing I want is to face a sentient being in my current state.
Once we set out, I exhale a frustrated breath. What the puck was that all about? I’ve wanted to kiss Valerian ever since I first laid eyes on him, yet when he finally made the move, I totally pucked everything up.
Now he knows I’m a freak, the only woman my age who’s never kissed anyone. I can only have intimacy in my dreams—and even there, not with a real person but a figment of my own imagination.
This is why I haven’t dated. I’d rather face Earth’s dentists than explain all this to a guy I like.
Needing to get my mind off the clusterpuck that is my love life, I open Leal’s diary. Now that I have reason to believe he wasn’t just a paranoid curmudgeon, I read his thoughts on Icelus with a lot more interest.
According to him, someone had been killing Icelus agents on Earth—a mystery person Leal felt great gratitude toward.
I freeze for a second, recalling what Valerian just told me about his parents. Could that have been him? Is he capable of being so ruthless? I picture his expression when he was talking about Icelus and realize the answer is yes.
I can imagine him taking out Icelus agents in all sorts of gruesome ways.
My chest tightens with sympathy again as I think about him dealing with the loss of both of his parents. I can’t picture losing my mom. Even now, with her in a hopefully reversible coma, I feel like an orphan. How much worse would it have been for Valerian at that age?
Ugh, I’m a horrible person. He opened up to me, telling me about this tragedy in his past, and I treated him like a leper because of my stupid germ issues.
Glumly, I return to the notes and skim through a bunch of boring stuff. But then I come across something interesting.
Leal claims that Icelus have a drug that puts people into REM sleep. He says it has a dire side effect but doesn’t say what it is before going on about how invaluable to him such a drug would be.
Skimming further, I’m not surprised to find him talking about hiring someone to replicate said drug. I know he succeeded in that. Of course, his version also had a side effect, the worst possible kind. Whoever took his drug never woke up. That’s what happened to Eduardo, the werewolf on the New York Council.
I continue to skim until a yawn overcomes me. Now that the adrenaline from the kiss is fading, my sleepiness is returning full force, and Leal’s boring notes aren’t helping.
Closing the journal, I open my messages and find Itzel in my contacts.
I can help you guys look for your grandfather tomorrow, I tell her. Let me know where I can meet everyone.
I send the message just as the car stops next to my building. The ride on the elevator happens in a sleepy haze, as does undressing and treating myself to hygieia all over my body.
When I finally get into bed, I’m asleep before my head touches the pillow.
Chapter Twelve
As I eat breakfast, I activate the VR and check my messages. There’s a reply from Itzel telling me where to meet her and the gang on Gomorrah, so as soon as I finish my meal, I head out to Nebulabucks.