Sam’s at my side, holding my other hand. His blue eyes are like embers, staring at me with a burning passion.
Another contraction tears through me, and I gasp.
“Push!” he insists, his voice urgent. “You can do it Jess.”
I squeeze his hand, grit my teeth, and push. In those moments, as I work through the pain to bring my baby into the world, I remember what I’ve been told about childbirth and voices drift to me in my mind.
“Labor is magical,” Pepper says, her voice hushed and reverent. “It’s strange and intense and feels like it’ll never end. But then, there’s a baby! And at first, it’s wet and squirmy and alien, but then the nurse hands the child to you, and it’s over. The baby’s there with you. They’re yours, and you love them unconditionally.”
My thoughts turn to my mother next.
“My life didn’t begin until you were here, Jessie,” Dorothy recounts fondly. “Your father and I going throughs a rough patch in our relationship, and we had mixed feelings about the unexpected pregnancy. To be honest, we were scared to death that the responsibilities of a child would be the end of everything. But then you were here, and suddenly, everything was alright. You were our salvation, Jessie.”
Hot, terrified tears flood my eyes and spill over my cheeks. Will that happen to me? When my baby comes, will it change my life for the better? Will I achieve the kind of peace that my mother had? Will the experience be magical like Pepper’s? And what about Sam?
I look at ex, and my heart melts because the handsome man is completely fixated me. His eyes are a pair of burning sapphires, and his hair, which has grown out since I last saw him, sticks to the sweat on his forehead. His proud face is tense, almost angry in its determination to bring this child into the world.
Maybe I did summon him with my wishful thinking, but he’s nothing like what I imagined; instead, he’s so much better in real life.
“Push, Jessa, push!” he growls. “Please baby. For me. You can do it.”
I scream, gripping Sam’s hand so hard I can feel the bones shifting beneath his skin. I give it everything I’ve got, and then suddenly, it happens. The pain reaches a crescendo, and I almost black out from an excruiciating spasm. But then, there’s a slippery, sliding feeling, and a belligerent cry rings out from between my thighs.
“The baby’s out, Jessa!” Felicity whoops with joy. “You did it, sweetie!”
“What...?” I don’t have the breath to finish my question.
Seconds later, Sam releases a sigh that’s as exhausted as it is relieved. The other paramedic gives him a towel, and Sam wraps my child in the fabric, before pressing his lips to mine.
“You did it, Jessa,” he says in a low voice. “I’m so grateful, honey. Thank you.”
We look down together at the tiny bundle with a red, scrunched-up face. “Hello, little squish,” I whisper. “It’s nice to meet you.”
In response, my daughter tries to open her eyes, and reveals a pair of blue peepers before they close again. I bite my lip to keep it from trembling because she’s going to have her father’s magnetic gaze. Then, the little girl opens her mouth in a wide yawn and nuzzles into her blanket. She falls asleep only moments later.
I kiss her perfect cheek, her round forehead, and her tiny, button nose before looking at the midwife. “I feel like I’m going to pass out any minute. Could you put her in her crib for me?”
“Of course, Jessa.” Felicity takes the baby from me, and I immediately miss her tiny warmth.
Sam clears his throat. “Tim, ma’am,” he says, looking between the paramedic and Felicity. “If it’s alright with you I’d like to have a minute with Jessa.”
Felicity’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. She looks to me, and I nod. “It’s okay, Felicity. This is Sam. He’s the father.”
Understanding dawns and her mouth rounds out into a small “O.” After all, I told her about Sam. She knows we’re no longer together, and she knows he broke my heart, but I never badmouthed him. In fact, the anger I felt before is gone. Now, all I feel is mix of euphoria, utter joy and wonder.
She returns the baby to me, and then she and Tim collect their things and step outside for a moment, leaving the three of us alone. I ache, but only in the best of ways. Sam’s blond head is bent, and he doesn’t say anything for a long time, but it’s okay because I’m not in a hurry. I give him as much time as he needs to gather his thoughts. I’m happy he’s here, but now, more than anything, I have no idea what to expect.
“Jessa,” he says growls, “I have a few questions.”