“What are you doing?” Casey asks.
“Being a snoop and marking my territory,” I mutter.
It’s locked, but I figure I can go for broke and enter the one password that might work.
I push in one, two, three, and four.
“What, are you going to pee on it like our dog does?” Casey asks.
Snorting so hard that my head hurts, I begin to laugh as the screen opens for me.
“Something like that,” I say before I quickly text myself from her phone.
“Dude, you’re weird,” he says and punches me in the shoulder.
“Yeah, I know. I used to hear that a lot from…” I start to say, looking up at him, but freeze.
I want to say Tommy, but the word catches deep in my throat and leaves a solid lump.
“I know, my dad,” he says, and punches me in the shoulder again, but harder this time. “It’s okay, I’m always slipping up and mentioning him to Grandma.”
“That’s not a bad thing, though,” I say. “It’s good to talk about him whenever we can. It hurts, but it helps us keep him alive in our hearts.”
Nodding his head, he stands up from the bumper. “Hope you don’t mind me talking about him when I’m with you.”
“Not one bit.” My mouth feels dry at the thought of talking about Tommy, but we have to do it. “Whenever you need to talk, we can.”
“I guess we’ll be doing that a lot then,” he says and starts walking to the door.
Whenever and however much he needs.
I’ve got to step up. This little human being has lost more in his lifetime than most people I know, and he carries it all on those twelve-year-old shoulders.
Atlas.
He reminds me of Atlas with the world on his shoulders, and no one besides his grandparents to help share the burden.
* * *
The gym has a different smell to it this time when I walk through the doors. It smells just like it smelled all those months ago. It’s the smell that gets in my nose and wants to stick.
I fucking loved being here so much, it was my place of peace for so long.
Losing the match, and then Tommy, took this place from me.
Took my purpose.
Dammit, I never thought any of this shit would happen when I walked into the arena to fight Jamey, and it feels like the moment I tapped out because of my shoulder I tapped out on life.
Trying to get my bearings, I follow Casey over to his grandmother. I don’t know what to do, but I can feel the blood pumping through my veins. It’s like that little scuffle outside has set something off inside me that’s recharging my batteries for the first time in months.
I want to fight someone right now. I want to feel the roar come out of me.
I want to fight someone and then fuck Bree.
Shit, I’m almost bouncing on my toes as I walk behind Casey to see Helen. That’s until I see her face and how tired she looks. Her complexion is a little ashen, and the deep circles under her eyes show the pain and weariness her smile tries to hide.
Coming up to face her, I remember how big of a dick I’ve been to her and her family in their time of need. How much of a piece of shit I’ve been even though they took me in and gave me love when I needed it the most as a kid.