Yep, he just let me know how fucked I really am.
Waving my hand at Bree, I smile and keep my mouth shut for the time being as I walk off. No need to stir up a hornet nest when I need to focus on the two fighters Dale has me looking over.
Watching first Blake and then a very pale looking Mia work over the bags gets my legs twitching. My arms almost start raising up to make the same motions.
It’s unnerving to feel just how quickly my body wants to fall back into the rhythm of pounding the bags.
It was the first thing I discovered I was good at, that I was actually talented at, and that I could do for myself. I could see the results in the mirrors, and I could see the results on score cards. Most of all, I could see the results when I looked down at my opponent on the mat.
It’s like some zen-like tranquility flows over me as I give pointers and little instructions on how to improve. I don’t notice the time during this and I don’t notice the world outside of this little corner of the gym.
I notice nothing but the way to work and improve, that is until the sound of the front doors banging open brings me back to the here and now.
Turning to look back, I see it’s only members of the gym, not Casey.
And fuck, I have no clue what to do.
Signaling to both Mia and Blake that they need to take a rest, I look around to see what else is happening. When I spot Dale, I head over to him.
“How do they look?” he asks.
“They’re not too bad. Blake, he’s…” I pause for a moment, thinking on what I saw. “He’s got a mean kick if he can keep it on target. And Mia, she’s going to be a killer if you can get her core muscles up to snuff. Both are resting up for the fight.”
“What about Blake? That was a long pause,” Dale asks.
“He’s good for fighting, but he won’t ever be a top contender. At least not right now. He doesn’t have that look in his eyes. He seems more…” I trail off as I watch Dale nodding at me.
“Yeah, I noticed that too. Great kicks and punches, but he isn’t catching the reasons why he needs to do certain things. Even after we’ve tried talking and showing him the reasons. He’ll probably drop out after he figures out being an MMA fighter isn’t easy,” Dale says quietly.
“You knew that before I went to take a look at him?” I ask.
“Yeah, Chase and I both have worked hard with him. He seems more interested in strutting around the gym than actually being a fighter,” Dale says with a shrug.
I grunt at him.
Fuck, I never wanted anything more than to be a fighter.
Soft feminine giggling suddenly floats over from the front desk and I turn my head to see Bree laughing with Avery.
Damn… if that doesn’t make me feel something I haven’t felt in a long, long fucking time…
An elbow in my ribs reminds me none too gently that I’m not here to ogle the boss’s sister.
“Eyes front, asshole,” Dale growls at me.
That’s easier said than done. My eyes don’t want to focus on anything but the way she smiles.
Turning back to the fighters, I force myself to keep watching with Dale when all I really want to do is watch Bree.
* * *
I check my watch then look to the front doors of the gym. I keep expecting Casey to show up and for Bree to walk back in from her break.
Both thoughts are warring through my chest.
Casey is dread and Bree is maybe a spot of sunlight in this miserable day. Man, I feel like a dick though, thinking of her smile to get through the dread of seeing a living reminder of Tommy.
It’s strange how my fucked-up head is spinning in circles.