After thanking Avery again, there’s not much else to say so we rejoin the guys. I don’t know what they talked about while we were gone but they all seem more relaxed, and the mood in the room is not nearly as tense.
Everyone is tired so after a few minutes we all say our goodbyes. Chase makes it very clear before we leave that we’re both welcome back to the gym.
Alex grabs my hand as we walk out the door and my body instantly responds to him. Just his hand touching my hand is enough to fill me with warm, tingly sensations.
The drive home is long and quiet.
Alex won’t relinquish his hold on my hand and I can’t help but feel hyperaware of him. His every breath. His every shift.
There are so many words hanging in the air between us, but I’m not ready to confront them just yet.
In the shadows, he’s a large looming mass beside me, radiating warmth and protection. I can’t help but lean myself towards him, soaking up his presence.
When we pull into the garage and get out of the car, there’s this moment of awkwardness now that there’s some distance between us. With no one else around, there’s no one to interrupt what could happen.
Alex walks to the door first, opening it up and greeting a very excited to see him Muffin. Squatting down, he scratches Muffin behinds her ears as she enthusiastically gives him kisses.
I watch them for a moment before he looks up at me, his dark eyes burning with one question.
Earlier, I wanted to… but now, after dealing with that Mark stuff, I just can’t.
“I’m tired…” I croak out, feeling my heart racing a million miles a minute. “I should probably go to bed.”
Alex nods and looks away, but not before I see the hope in his eyes turning to disappointment.
Like the coward I am, I squeeze past them, inching my way towards the stairs.
Alex’s dark gaze swings back around, locking on me. “I’m going to take a shower, but my door is open if you need me.”
I nod my head and force myself to walk, not run away from him, but I can’t stop thinking about what he said as I take the stairs two at a time.
His door is open…
How am I going to get any sleep knowing that?
Chapter Eighteen
Alex
Feeling every bit of the stress since the night Christy came home with me, I roll over in the bed, pushing up against a snoring mass of black fur and floppy legs.
Muffin has slept in the bed with me every night since I brought her home from the breeder. I tried the whole crate training thing… Shit, I even had her in a laundry basket on the bed with me. Nope, she wouldn’t stop crying until I pulled her next to me. She must like the warmth or something.
Or could be she has me wrapped around her paw. But whatever it is, I’m happy, and she is too.
Muffin must feel me stir as I roll onto my back. Scooting over to me, she lays her head on my stomach. My hand falls down to ruffle her ears as I say, “You look like you could use a day off.”
She doesn’t say anything as usual, but I’m pretty sure even if she doesn’t need one, I do. I’ve been going at it really fucking hard with the gym and dojo. My body is in perfect shape. My skills are as ready as they’ll ever be. Right now, it’s all about conditioning and keeping the momentum running forward.
It’s still dark outside, but I can see the first hints of light.
Sitting up, I stretch my shoulders. Fuck, they are tense. I can feel knots in my back as well. My body feels like one big tense coil. Too much drama, too much stress.
And not a getting my nut off in weeks is starting to make me feel like I’m a constant erection.
I had to jerk off twice last night in the shower to get the thought of kissing Christy out of my head.
Was I disappointed we didn’t continue what we started in the car? Yes. Can’t lie about that.
Would I tell her I was disappointed? Hell no.
But fuck, that girl can kiss. I mean I had an erection so god damn hard I about ripped my pants.
That’s where the confused boner happened, though. I was also so fucking full of rage at Mark, and then pissed at Chase, that my blood was flowing all over the fucking place.
I should have hurt Mark much more than I did. It’s one thing to cheap shot an opponent in the ring—I’ve never done it, but that shit does happen—but doing it to a sparring partner is just fucking sick.
That he bragged about it, fuck, that’s sociopath shit right there. Like a rapist thing. He did it because he had power over her.