I blew out a breath, highly doubting I’d be able to do any such thing, but closed my eyes just the same. Slowly, as I breathed deeply, Avianna’s room faded, the sound of her steady presence next to mine faded, until nothing but blackness filled the backs of my eyes, my mind.
I sank deeper and deeper into my mind, my body. There, pulsing and flickering like the tips of flames, silver orbs of glowing light burst in the most brilliant array of colors and movement.
Alek.
His essence, his blood, our connection, I didn’t know. I just knew these bursts of light inside me were made up entirely of him. I imagined delicately plucking an orb and drawing it near me—
A hurried knock sounded on Avianna’s door, the sound jarring me out of my concentration. “See,” I said, sighing as I opened my eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I told you it wouldn’t—”
“That is both creepy and convenient,” Avi said as she swung open her door. I hadn’t even felt her move from her spot beside me.
The world shifted beneath my feet as I set eyes on the man beyond her door, the one now blinking into the space before me. I jolted at his sudden nearness. Jolted and sighed a breath I felt all the way in the dregs of my soul.
“Alek,” I said, breathless.
“You called me,” he said, almost as if he were speaking only to himself. His blue-gray eyes scanned every inch of my face, then my body, as if he were searching for some ailment or injury. “Are you all right?”
I wanted to cry. Legit, I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes at just the sight of him. Who had I become to need someone this much? To connect and hunger for someone on levels I didn’t even know I possessed?
Alek’s. That’s who I’ve become.
And I knew this but…
“No,” I finally said, pushing off the chaise and standing to my full height. My body ached to melt into his, to feel his strong touch, his possessive bite, but I held firm. “No. I’m not okay.”
He stood too, his head tilting as his eyes darted from me to his sister who leaned against the opened doorway. She waved at him with one gloved hand as if to say you know what you have to do.
“What troubles you?”
There was such genuine concern in his eyes—and a threat to anyone who was causing me this invisible harm—it almost made me forget everything I was about to say.
I started pacing because I couldn’t stand still and not reach out for him. “I understand you have rules. Laws. Ancient covenants.” I ticked off the items on my fingers. “I understand you are the king, and you have…obligations.” I sighed, finally locking eyes with him. “I understand that you are vampire and I am human and somehow, something happened where fate selected us as…mates.” I swallowed hard, telling my racing heart to settle. Yes, I understood these facts, maybe even I’d accepted them, but there was one barrier in my way. One wall I couldn’t see around, and it would be up to him if he helped me or not.
“But…” His voice was dark, menacing even as he slid his hands into his pockets, almost as if he too feared what he would do the longer he let them be free.
I tipped my chin up, willing trembling fingers to steady. Not trembling from fear or the feel of his power radiating off every inch of him, but the incredible need I felt to touch him. Feel him. Consume him.
“I had a life before you literally crashed into mine,” I said, and my heart clenched at the disappointment and regret and fear that flickered in his eyes. It was gone in a blink, replaced by that smooth, icy-calm I’d seen plenty of. But I knew him, whether he wanted to admit it or not, I knew him like I knew my own soul. I’d seen his eyes, his face, his heart when no one was looking, for my mate could not mask anything from me. “I’m not saying I regret it,” I hurried to continue. “I don’t. The one thing I do regret is not finishing my work. Years of it. I’m so close to earning this doctorate, Alek.”
His eyes narrowed. “It means that much to you?”
“It means everything to me,” I said. It’s what defined my life, each day, for as long as I could remember. Beyond being an unwanted orphan, being someone who was tossed near a dumpster…for what? Being different? Looking different? I didn’t know. But my history obsession? The feelings and dreams and nightmares that hit close to the truth I couldn’t explain? The satisfaction and release that only came from burying myself in research and theory? That had been my lifeblood every day before Alek came into my world. “And Valor,” I said, stepping toward him. Pleading up at him with my eyes. “I need to see my friend. She’s the only one I had before…” I glanced to Avi, who smiled at me, then returned my focus to Alek. “Please. I won’t run. You have to feel that, know that.”