My day was packed already as it was and adding you-know-who to the equation would only slow me down and probably put me in a shit mood. I decided what was best for me was to try and live my own life.
It was what I was here for, right?
This was our first huge fight and living in two different worlds made it easier to push him away. Don’t get me wrong, when I did let my mind wander to him, I felt this huge empty space in my heart. I guess I just didn’t know where we stood, and I wasn’t ready to figure it out.
I was pissed at him.
Mostly, I was hurt.
I wanted and needed space to figure out my own emotions and where we went from here. Living in paradise and making more money than I knew what to do with helped. My boss wasn’t lying when he said the captains loved to tip the pretty girls. I was getting fifty bucks to fill up gas tanks that took me a couple of minutes to ring up. I loved my job, there was never a dull moment.
And don’t get me started on the eye candy…
Shirtless, tanned, good looking men were everywhere, and let me tell you, they loved to tip too.
If I wasn’t working, I was in class or studying. I didn’t have much of a social life. I’d yet to make it out to any of the clubs or nightlife. I didn’t want to go alone. Sure, some of the guys asked me to hang out, go to dinner, watch a movie, however, I always said I was busy.
I was, right?
Cain decided to stay a little longer in Tennessee, saying he’d make it over here in a couple of days.
A ding on my Facebook messenger brought my attention to the tab opened on my computer I was checking my emails on. I skimmed the cursor to the tab.
Are you blowing me off?
I took a deep breath, seeing Leo’s question so blatantly on the screen in front of my eyes. Before I changed my mind, I typed back. Top of the morning to you too, stranger.
The blue bubble appeared, he was tying away. So I’m a stranger now?
Narrowing my eyes, I replied, No.
No? That’s all you have to say to me?
You’re up early. How’s work?
Are you going to ignore the fact that this is the first time I’m talking to you after a month? I’ve called you, emailed, sent letters… I have to hear from Cain that you’re doing just fine. Happy. What the fuck?
I don’t really have time for this right now.
How about you make time then? Can we talk later?
I work late.
Mila.
There’s nothing to talk about.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Damn, he was pissed.
Weighing my response, I typed, I have to go.
MILA.
Fine. Meet me back here at ten tonight.
I watched as the blue bubble appeared and on pure impulse, I shut my computer, not reading his retort. I grabbed my yoga mat against the door and walked over to the gym in the marina. No one was ever in there that early and I loved having the space to myself. It had every machine I could possibly need and then some, not that I used those. The only machine I did use was the treadmill, but first I stretched and did yoga. Trying to find my Zen and happy place.
I slipped in my Bluetooth headphones and shook out my head and the stress I was suddenly feeling. Getting into position on my mat, I faced the foam and went into downward dog, my butt in the air, pushing it out to get a good stretch. Taking another deep breath, I didn’t let my mind wander to you-know-who.
It was easier to pretend like we weren’t in this weird place where I didn’t know how to act around him anymore.
Lifting my leg in the air, I pressed my shoulder blades into the mat, deeply breathing out at the same time. Already feeling like the elephant on my chest was lightening up. Swiftly, I changed into a standing straddle, forward bend. Grabbing onto the back of my ankles, I pulled my chest as close as it would go under my legs. I’d been doing yoga since I began college, the four years of training made me very flexible and limber.
Never once did I open my eyes, knowing the mat by my memory alone. Slowly, I slid to the ground and laid on my back. Raising my hips to the air, I stretched my lower back, once again releasing another solid breath. Pumping my hips up and down a few times, I inhaled in and out. Making sure to feel the strain the movement was triggering in my muscles.
Gripping onto the inner sides of my feet, I got into the ananda balasana pose which basically looked like an upside-down frog. Letting my breathing go long and deep, I was about to change positions.