I wasn’t there when she needed me most.
My legs go numb, and crouching next to the bed, I try to breathe through the intense disappointment in myself as a man, the overwhelming heartache. My breaths speed up, and my body shakes.
I’m so sorry, Dash.
I’m so fucking sorry.
DASH
I wake up to bright light spilling into the room.
Confused, I blink, my eyes stinging. I’m so used to the cabin's darkness with all the windows boarded up that seeing sunlight is startling.
Did I die?
My sight focuses on the window, the tree outside familiar, comforting.
“Baby?” I hear Mom, her voice filled with caution.
Slowly I turn my gaze until it falls on her.
‘Mommy.’ I hear my five-year-old voice inside my head.
“It’s Mom,” she whispers as she leans closer to me. Her eyes are filled with pain. “You’re safe.”
I’m safe.
The words sound wrong, as if they don’t belong in my world.
A bigger body comes up behind Mom, and fear clamps down on my throat. My breathing speeds up, and an incessant beeping fills the room.
“Sweetheart,” I hear Dad’s voice, and it takes a moment for my mind to accept what I’m seeing.
My parents.
Is this another dream? A hallucination? Am I dead?
Dad reaches for me, and when his hand brushes over my hair, I begin to shake uncontrollably.
It feels so good, Daddy.
Dad instantly pulls back, a torn expression changing his features.
Noah comes into view, and it fills me with more heartache.
It has to be a dream.
A torturously good dream.
I don’t want to wake up.
Please don’t let me wake up.
Maybe this is my version of heaven?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I don’t care if this is real or not. I just want to get everything out before I’m woken or before it ends. “I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder. I tried.”
Mom begins to gasp as if she’s struggling to breathe. Shaking her head, her voice is thick as she says, “Baby, don’t. You’re safe now. I’ll make everything better. Okay? On a scale of one to ten, ten being unbearable, how’s the pain?”
Pain?
It’s become a part of me.
It’s ingrained into every inch of my body.
When Christopher comes into the room, I know my mind is playing tricks on me. His eyes lock with mine, and all I see is a world of pain. It’s as if everything I’m feeling is reflecting in his eyes.
A deep chill spreads through my body, causing me to shake so bad, I can hear my breaths as they burst fast and choppy over my lips.
My heartbeat speeds up until my muscles cramp painfully as if I’m shriveling into nothing.
Christopher takes hold of my hand, and his touch feels warm, like home. Then he leans over me, and I hear the dreadful words. “I love you.”
No, not again. I can’t survive more.
I can’t.
I try to shrink back as I begin to shake my head. “Please,” I gasp as panic and fear ravage what’s left of my broken spirit. “I’m sorry.”
For some reason, my breathing starts to slow down, and a weird numbness spreads through me until the dream fades into the darkness.
Chapter 22
CHRISTOPHER
I stand frozen as Dash calms from the sedative Aunt Leigh gave her.
Fuck.
That’s twice now she’s lost it from seeing me.
My eyes lift to Aunt Leigh’s. “Is it me?”
She glances between Dash and me, and then she says, “She just needs to adjust. It will take time. It’s normal for her reactions to be extreme.” Aunt Leigh checks the IV. “She won’t be out for long. I’m trying to sedate her less.”
I nod as I take a seat next to the bed. We’ve all spent the night in here with Dash, in case she woke up. At least she got a good night’s rest.
Miss Sebastian comes into the room, carrying a tray with coffee. After she’s given us all a cup, she digs in her pocket. “I almost forgot. We found this on Dash.” She holds out the engagement ring to me.
I honestly haven’t thought of it, figuring Josh had gotten rid of it.
I take the ring from Miss Sebastian, murmuring, “Thank you.”
I almost slip it onto Dash’s finger but then change my mind, wanting to do it when she’s awake. Tucking the ring into my pocket, my eyes go back to Dash.
I sip on the coffee, and then my gaze falls on her chapped lips. Setting the cup down next to the bed, I ask, “Can’t we put something on her lips? Chapstick?”
Miss Sebastian points to a tub of petroleum jelly.
Picking the tub up, I take off the lid and scoop some onto my pointer finger. I keep my touch as light as possible as I dab it onto her lips, being extra cautious over the cuts.
Every couple of minutes, I’m rocked to my core, finding it hard to understand how Josh could do this to her.
I knew he was bad news, but this… it’s unthinkable.