He’s going to be a handful.
Gage smiled. Yeah, his son was pretty great. What did Nicolas know about kids, anyway? It was a sobering thought. His brother had guided him for so long. Who would be the voice of his conscience now that Gage was moving toward something new and different?
You’ll figure it out. After all, you already know what not to do.
He definitely knew that. Gage would raise Robbie with no boundaries. Carpe diem and full speed ahead, unlike how his own parents had raised him. If Robbie wanted to run with scissors, Gage would put plastic tips on the sharp ends and lead the way. If Robbie wanted to climb trees—or mountains—Gage would be behind him every step, ready to catch him when he fell.
He’d say yes to every “Hey, Dad, can I...?”
Mom and Dad didn’t put restrictions on you to keep you from having fun.
Yeah, he knew that. They loved Gage, fiercely, even to this day, despite their disappointment that none of Gage’s childhood limitations had resulted in a son who played it safe. He lived his life unapologetically, reveling in all the experiences Nicolas couldn’t.
Like falling in love?
Gage drained the highball and flipped it over instead of refilling it like he wanted to. When his conscience came up with gems like that, it was time to lay off the sauce.
Except the thought wouldn’t go away.
For his entire adult life, he’d avoided anything that smacked of permanence. Even with Cass, who made him feel alive and amazing and as though he wanted to be around her all the time. He couldn’t just come out and commit. Why?
Because he feared losing someone who mattered—like his parents had. God, why hadn’t he ever realized that? With Robbie, it had been easy. There hadn’t even been a choice in his mind. But he had control over whether he committed to Cass and he’d exercised it by walking out the door instead of fighting for what he wanted.
You live life to the extreme but it costs you. You have no personal relationships. No one to lean on. What are you going to do when parenting gets hard?
Gage frowned. His parents were moving here. His mom would give him advice.
The same woman you just vowed not to emulate when raising your son? Good thinking. Besides, don’t you want someone to be there for you who gets you? Who’s your equal? Someone you can count on and vice versa?
“Shut up, already. I get it,” he muttered. “I messed up with Cass and instead of figuring out how to fix it, I’m sitting here arguing with a ghost.”
But was it even possible to fix it? Cass’s frozen routine was a safeguard against him, after all. He’d started their relationship solely with the intent of leveraging their attraction to get his hands on her formula, and she was forcing him to reap what he’d sown. Which was no less than he deserved. The rift between them was as much his fault as hers.
He’d wanted something more and had been too chicken to lay it all on the line, disguising his thirst for Cass as a drive to beat the competition.
And by the way...if you’ve never done permanent, never been in love, never figured out how to sacrifice and be selfless, you know being a father will be that much harder.
His chest squeezed again. Nicolas was right. Gage’s closest companions were Arwen and his conscience disguised as his long-gone brother. He had no idea how to do relationships. And he needed to. Gage couldn’t be a good father if he flitted between commitment and freedom. He’d already realized that but now he knew how to fix it.
He had to learn how to stick. He wanted to. Cass and Robbie were both worth it.
Somehow, he had to prove to Cass that she could trust him this time. That he wasn’t responsible for the leak.
He wanted Cassandra Claremont in his life, living it alongside him, giving him the ultimate experience he’d yet to have.
But as difficult as it was to admit, Gage had no basis for figuring out what it took to be a good partner or a good father. He’d never had a relationship before—with anyone, his family, a lover...what was different this time? What could he offer Cass to convince her to give him one last chance?
After a long night of tossing and turning, Gage sat up in bed as the perfect answer came to him.
Phillip Edgewood.
* * *
Cass frowned as she listened to the detective spout more rhetoric about how the investigation was ongoing, nothing concrete to report, blah, blah. She switched her phone to the other ear but the news didn’t get any better.
At the end of the day, Rebecca Moon either wasn’t the culprit or she had been very, very savvy about her movements over the past few weeks. Nothing pointed to the woman as the source of the leak, nothing pointed to a link between her and Gage, and Cass was tired of beating her head against this wall.