"Yeah. This will definitely work."
Upton shifted and I tilted my head back so I could see him. He moved his fingers to my face and looked into my eyes intently, like he was trying to make out each and every fleck of color there. I smiled slightly and he leaned in to kiss me. The waves lapped at the underside of the boat. Off in the distance, a motor revved, and seagulls cawed overhead. I was no longer scared. We were alone out here, yes, but it didn't matter. Because Upton was with me.
67
The kiss grew deeper and I gripped Upton's shirt in my hand, pulling him closer to me. The stupid life vest was like a wall between our chests, and when I felt him fumbling for the buckles, I didn't stop him. Forget safety. All I wanted was to feel Upton's body as close to mine as it could get.
The buckles loosened. I flung one arm out of the vest, then sat up, pushing him back momentarily, to free myself from the other. The second the vest hit the floor, Upton nudged me back onto the cushions. Back, back, back until I was lying flat beneath him. He pulled away from our kiss for a moment to look me in the eye again. Make sure I wasn't ready to stop. I so wasn't. He smiled and kissed me again, resting his full weight over my body.
I wrapped my arms around him, pushed my hand up under the back of his shirt so I could feel his skin, which was insanely warm. Upton trailed kisses across my cheek and down my neck. His lips tickled my skin and I turned my head to the side so he could keep going. He brushed my hair away from my shoulder and traced a little circle on my skin with the tip of his tongue. It sent shivers right through me and I laughed.
Upton lifted his head and looked at me quizzically. "Miss Brennan, this is not a laughing matter," he said with mock seriousness.
"Sorry," I said, sliding away from him and sitting up a bit. I crooked one leg over the side of the bench and bent the other on the cushion. "I'll try to be more discreet."
"Good. Because laughter can really mess with a guy's confidence, you know?" he said, still joking.
68
He picked up my ankle and rested my leg over his lap. Then he started running his fingertips up and down my shin. I bit my lip.
"No laughing," he admonished.
I pressed my lips together. His fingers moved higher, tickling my knee. This was torture.
"No laughing," he warned again.
He moved his fingers higher, caressing my bare thigh. Every inch of my skin grew hot. He looked at me. I wasn't about to laugh. His fingers climbed higher. And higher. I felt them graze the hem of my shorts, but I didn't take my eyes off his. He shifted his position and slipped his hand under the fabric. Higher. Higher. Laughter was no longer an issue.
I wanted to do this. Wanted to let him touch me. But at the last second, something snapped.
"Upton."
He drew his hand away instantly. "I'm starting to sense a pattern here." He wasn't angry. Just disappointed.
"I'm sorry, I just. .."
Ever since my conversation with Sawyer that morning, I couldn't stop thinking about Jen Hathaway. When, exactly, had she been with Upton? How did she fit into the ever-expanding tangled mess of his love life? And if I looked like her, if I reminded Sawyer so much of her, did Upton see the resemblance as well?
I didn't really want to ask him any of these things. Wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answers. But they just joined the growing list of unknown facts about Upton's past. His very, very colorful past.
69
Upton studied my face. I didn't know what to say, so I just looked back at him.
"Can I ask you something?" he said finally.
"Okay."
"Would this be ... I mean, it's not your... Would this be your first time?" he asked.
"No," I told him. My face burned and I looked down at my lap. I tugged down on the hems of my shorts. "But it would be my second."
"Oh." He sat back against the cushions. My leg was still across his lap. I was glad he didn't feel the need to move it.
"And it's not that I don't want to, because I do," I said. "It just feels like a big decision, and there's a lot involved. I mean, you've been with so many girls and I--"
"Is that what this is about?" Upton said. "You're still jealous."