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For B.V., who decided his due date should be the same day as the due date for this novel

NOT AGAIN

The dread was like smoldering black embers right in the pit of my stomach. I knew the sensation

well. Used to feel it every day after school as I approached my house in Croton, Pennsylvania, not

knowing what might be going on inside. Never knowing in what condition I might find my mother.

Passed out with a bottle of pills spilled on the floor? Manically cleaning the kitchen in her

pajamas? Angrily waiting to scold me for something I hadn't done? Yes, I knew dread all too well. I

had just never felt dread like this upon my return to Easton Academy.It was the Sunday of

Thanksgiving weekend, and, thanks to my Billings House fund money, it was the first time I'd flown

back to Easton. When I had said good-bye to my parents that morning at the airport I had actually

felt a pull to stay. It was so ironic. Now that my mother was better, leaving home was the hard

part, and it was coming back to school that was giving me the dry heaves. But who could blame

me, considering the pariah I had become at Easton?

2

The cab driver pulled up in front of Bradwell, the freshman and sophomore girls' dorm. I paid him

and struggled out of the car with my backpack, duffel bag, and laptop. It was frigid outside, and a

cold wind whipped through the trees along the drive. I had expected the campus to feel more alive

since all the students were supposed to be returning from break. But though there were a few lit

windows dotting the brick facades of the three girls' dorms on the circle, there wasn't a soul in

sight. I took a deep breath and started along the cobblestone walk between Bradwell and

Pemberly, my heart pounding with each heavy step as I drew closer to the quad.

I didn't want to go back to Billings House. I so wasn't ready.

When I reached the far side of Bradwell, I paused and gazed across the quad at Billings, the tallest

dorm on campus. Instantly, the embers of dread burned brighter. It had been just over a week

since the Billings fund-raiser in New York City--the event that should have been the most amazing

night of my life. Instead it had been the most humiliating. It had been the night when a video of

me and Dash McCafferty getting all gropey at the Legacy had been sent out to every cell phone

and BlackBerry at school. Everyone had seen me and Dash--my best friend Noelle Lange's



Tags: Kate Brian Private Young Adult