It was clear he wasn’t going to let it drop so Layla gave up, too wrung out to keep fighting him.
‘Because I missed you. Because I love you—’ It was a surprising relief to say it. A relief to finally acknowledge the emotions she’d been holding back. ‘I love you. I didn’t expect to, I didn’t think I could, but I do. And I wouldn’t have told you except that you forced the subject, and I hope it doesn’t make things awkward because it really shouldn’t.’
‘Why would it make things awkward?’
Wasn’t it obvious?
‘Because I know you’re not capable of loving another woman. Our marriage was driven by political necessity. We both know that.’
‘It is true that it began that way, but sometimes it is less important how something begins, habibti, than how it ends.’
Ends?
It was shocking how quickly happiness could turn to misery. ‘You want to end it?’
‘No! I do not want to end it. Not ever. I’m trying to tell you that things have changed. Everything has changed. Including my feelings.’ His tone raw, he hauled her against him. ‘This is the most important conversation of my life and I’m making a mess of it. I’m trying to tell you I love you, too.’
Layla was pressed against him and she could feel the strong thud of his heart against her cheek.
His heart not frozen into ice but warm, healthy and capable of love.
Heat spread through her, driving away the chill that had been part of her since her flight through the desert.
Raz eased her away from him so that he could see her face. ‘I loved Nisa. That is a fact and it will never change. We met as children—grew up together.’ He frowned slightly, as if he’d never thought much about it before. ‘She was always part of my life. I don’t even remember either one of us making the decision to marry—it felt inevitable. And then when I lost her—’
Layla slid her arms round him, feeling his pain as her own. ‘You honestly don’t have to talk about this.’
‘I want to. Since I met you it’s been easier to talk about it. I was trapped in my old life, clinging to memories because moving on without her felt too hard. And then I met you.’
‘That first night—’
‘I felt guilty.’ His voice was soft. ‘It felt like a betrayal. Not just because I was with you, but because that night was so special. I didn’t anticipate that what we shared would be so powerful. I rejected it precisely because the chemistry between us was so intense, habibti. I’d expected to feel nothing. Instead I felt deeply, and I didn’t know how to handle those feelings.’
‘I didn’t expect you to love me. I didn’t expect to love you,’ Layla confessed honestly. ‘I’ve never loved anyone except my sister. I’ve never looked at a man and felt anything until that night I met you for the first time. I’d never met a man like you. I’d never met a man who used his strength and power for good rather than personal gain.’
‘You were so brave, arriving with nothing but two books.’
His eyes gleamed and she felt the colour darken her cheeks.
‘You’ve taught me everything. It would have been nice to bring something to this marriage and teach you something in return.’
‘You have.’ Lifting his hand, he touched her cheek. ‘You’ve taught me that life does not stand still. That love can come from unexpected places. That there is always hope. And you’ve taught me to love again, habibti. When you came to me I was so closed off. I couldn’t even think about allowing another woman into my life. But instead of putting on pressure you just accepted me as I was and didn’t try and change that.’
‘I wouldn’t want to change it. I know you loved Nisa.’
‘Yes, but I’ve learned that loving you doesn’t diminish what I felt for her. It took me a while to accept my feelings for you without guilt. She was part of my past, but you are my future. I consider myself fortunate to have fallen in love twice in a lifetime when many do not ever find themselves in possession of that gift.’
Layla swallowed. ‘I didn’t think I would. I didn’t grow up with expectations of love and happy endings. It just wasn’t what I thought about. When I came to you in the desert that night I wasn’t thinking about love. All I wanted from this marriage was your respect. I used you as an escape from the life I had and because I knew that without me Hassan could not rule, and he is not a man who should be in a position of power. I didn’t expect anything else. I didn’t expect you to notice so much about me and be so caring. You think you were hard on me, but there were so many times when you tried to make life easier for me. You noticed I was scared of the dogs and tried to keep them away from me—’ She choked slightly. ‘No one has ever done anything like that for me before. No one has ever wanted to protect me.’