Love. Security.
Happiness.
After a moment when she was sure she had her emotions firmly in control she looked up into Makin’s face, studied his lip. “Did I hurt you?”
He licked the inside of his lip. “Just a little blood. Nothing serious.”
“I drew blood?”
“You have a mean bite.”
She knew he was teasing her but she felt bad. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine. And I’m glad you got mad. I’m glad you have some fight in you. Life isn’t easy and one can’t just lie down and die when things get hard.”
“Is that what you would teach the baby?”
“Absolutely.”
“Even if she’s a girl?”
“Especially if she’s a girl. Life’s difficult and you’re going to be confronted by adversity, and you’re going to get knocked down. But that’s just part of life and so you get up and shake yourself off and keep going.”
“I thought only weak people got knocked down.”
“Everybody gets knocked down. The secret is the getting up again. That’s why I value mental toughness—resilience. You don’t want difficulties to break you. You want them to make you stronger.”
She was silent as she processed this. “Marrying you is definitely the right thing for the baby, but it’s not easy for me. I have a lot of pride. I don’t like being dependent on others. I don’t want others to come in and fix my mistakes, or sort out my problems for me. That’s my job. I’m not helpless or stupid—”
“Good. Because I’d never marry a woman who was.”
Emmeline looked at him a long moment, her pride warring with common sense. Marrying him would be the best thing for the baby. It would give her child a home, a name, legitimacy. And yet it wasn’t that simple. Emmeline had hopes and dreams. there were things she’d wanted for herself. Like marrying the man she loved.
“It would be so easy to just give in, Makin, and let you be Prince Charming and allow you to sweep me off my feet and right all the wrongs. but that’s not what I want from a man. Not anymore.”
“What do you want?”
“To be the prince. To wear a sword and ride off on the white stallion and slay my own dragons.” She laughed at the picture she’d painted, but it was true. She was tired of being helpless and broken. Tired of needing fixing. “There is a strong person inside of me. I just have to find her. Free her.”
“I think you’re on your way,” he answered, taking her hand and slipping his fingers through hers.
Makin’s hand was warm, strong, and she glanced down at their entwined fingers, at the gold of his skin against the pale ivory of hers. It felt good to hold his hand. She felt good with him at her side. Maybe one day she could be a woman like Hannah or his mother. Maybe one day he could respect her. maybe even love her. “Did you really end things with Madeline?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because when I marry you tomorrow I am forsaking all others.”
“You mean that?”
“Of course.”
“So … our marriage … will be real?”
“Absolutely.”
“Oh.”
“You look shocked.”
“Not shocked. Just nervous.”
He led her to the bench near the sundial, and sat down, and drew her onto his lap. Emmeline blushed as she felt the warmth of him through his trousers, and the corded muscles of his thighs against her backside, and shifted uneasily. “Why nervous?” he asked, running a hand over her ponytail.
She liked the feel of his hand on her hair. It felt good. Warm. Soothing. As well as a little sexy. “I. don’t have a lot of experience.”
“You said Alejandro was your first.”
“Yes. And it wasn’t good. I didn’t like it.”
He shifted her around to look into her face. “The first time isn’t usually the best.”
“I don’t think I’d enjoy it after thirty times with him. It just wasn’t … good.”
“Did you like kissing him?”
She shook her head. “It didn’t feel like anything.”
“Did you like kissing me?”
Heat surged to her cheeks. She looked away. “It was all right,” she admitted grudgingly.
“Just all right?”
She glanced back at him. His lips were twitching. He was trying not to laugh. “Are you fishing for compliments?”
“No.”
“Sounds like it.”
“No, I’m quite confident in that department—”
“Maybe a little too confident.”
“You think so?”
“Quite possibly.”