Even now there are still times when I miss him so much I cry myself to sleep. Being separated from him is like having one of my limbs severed, but imagine telling my dad that, he’d probably lock me in my room and never let me out again.
He’d lost his mind when Todd first went away and I spent most of my time in my room away from everyone, barely eating, only showing signs of life when Todd called. I remember those fights only too well.
It was his threats of breaking us apart forever that had snapped me out of it quick. I learned then not to try any teenage tricks on him because they don’t work, but only seem to backfire.
He’d made me leave my room and interact with the rest of the family. I wasn’t even allowed the privacy of my room until a certain time each night and could only be on the phone after I’d spent the allotted amount of time with my siblings and mom, and him.
It had taken some getting used to, but in the end it was his overbearing attitude that had helped me get over the pain of missing the boy who had become my whole world. He’d drilled it into my head that my life wasn’t over and that if Todd and I were meant to be, nothing, not even distance could keep us apart.
But once I got over most of the pain of not being with Todd every day, not seeing his face right here in front of me day in and day out, a new fear set in, the fear of him finding someone else; the fear of losing his heart to some other girl. Someone whose dad isn’t as overprotective as mine. That thought kept me up many a night.
But then I got the news that my hard work had paid off and I could graduate early. I thought all my troubles were at an end. I could be with Todd again, and away from daddy’s prying eyes and stern looks. But of course that was a short lived dream and my poor heart was thrown into turmoil once again when daddy said no way.
Mom understood my pain. She’d come into my room and lay with me some nights, trying to get me to understand where daddy was coming from. I didn’t get it and still don’t truth be told, but it doesn’t matter because there’s no getting around Colton Lyon’s dictates.
What he says goes and there’s no point in trying to get mom to side with me because that would only put her in the line of fire as well. When daddy refused to bend even for her I knew it was a lost cause. Daddy never denies mommy anything, so for him to stick to his guns like that said a lot.
Sometimes I want to scream my head off and throw a wild hair-raising tantrum, but the thought of disappointing daddy scares me more than anything else in this world. Because even as mad as I was then, I knew he had to have his reasons. I never once doubted his love for me, though I do wish sometimes that he didn’t love me so much.
I know he expects a lot from me, from all of us, and I’m trying, but sometimes it’s so hard. Sometimes his love feels like a heavy burden that’s too much to bear; and thoughts like that only make me feel guilty, ungrateful, because my daddy is the best.
He’s never denied me anything, this father that would stand between the storm and the wind to protect me. If only I could make him see that Todd is the same, that the boy he’s trying so hard to keep me away from is growing into a man who’s just like him. If only he knew the kind of person he is I’m sure that maybe he’d lighten up a bit. But how do I get him to see these things before it’s too late?
Like the fact that Todd and I have been dating for going on four years and have yet to do more than share a few light kisses here and there, or hold hands as we sat together for hours talking quietly to each other in the living room when he still lived here.
I used to think he did that, didn’t try to rush me into anything because he was afraid of daddy but now I’m not so sure. I’ve long come to believe that it was his way of respecting me, by waiting, not pushing for anything more because of the way I was raised.
I’m still daddy’s little princess in his eyes. He used to call me that in a teasing way when we first met, now it’s like a running joke between us. He’d say things like he can’t wait for daddy’s little princess to become his queen or something equally cheesy.