“Don’t think,” Damon murmured. “Redbird, don’t think. Just . . . be.”
He was holding her now, and his arms were strong and certain and a yearning joy told Bonnie that she never wanted him to let go. She felt her eyes drift shut, but at the same time, she could sense what Damon was doing. He was bending down to her, slowly, and then his lips touched hers, so softly, so gently that it was actually a shock of sweetness to all her senses. A throb of pure heavenly bliss pulsed through her body, dissolving her so that she was all softness, all gentleness as she kissed him back. They were in perfect harmony, and they could never be out of tune. Bonnie was as captivated as a little mating songbird by the bright plumage and melody of her born nestmate.
For a long, long moment the kiss held and Bonnie couldn’t think at all, but only feel and be. It was as if she were flying; there was a breathless rush and surge inside her and around her. She knew that this wondrous flight was changing her forever, that from now until eternity, she would always be a part of . . .
Wait! No! Stop!
Bonnie’s nagging worry burst through the sweetness and the melody and flared red on the inside of her eyelids. It was as if the words themselves were dragging her back to a reality she didn’t want to remember. She only wanted to—
Elena!
Oh, my God, Bonnie thought, no longer a little mating songbird, no longer flying, only falling. And the reality that she fell into filled her with horror.
She found that she was pushing at Damon; pushing hard at his chest with both hands. He was letting go of her but when his eyes opened, he looked at her with bewilderment and hurt.
His leather jacket slid off Bonnie’s shoulders and fell to the ground. Neither Damon nor Bonnie took any notice of it, but when Bonnie felt the icy chill of the wind cut into her, she knew that she was back in reality, with her heart pounding violently.
Oh, God, God, God! she thought.
She couldn’t stand for Damon to keep on looking at her the way he was, with open tenderness and hurt in his expression. She said the one word that would explain everything to him.
“Elena!”
Damon drew in his breath sharply. For an instant he just looked stunned, and then his whole demeanor changed. His eyes widened; he jerked upright as if he’d been struck a physical blow. He swallowed with a visible effort.
Bonnie’s vision was blurred and she felt the first hot tears trickle down her cheeks. She was overcome with shame and remorse.
“Oh,” she half-sobbed, “How could we? How could you?”
Damon looked rigid now. “How could I? But I’m . . . I’m completely powerless. It was you.” He shook his head in clear disbelief. “You actually influenced me . . .”
“What are you talking about?” Bonnie’s sobs were full-blown by this time, shaking her whole body. “What did I do? You started talking about how even though I was frightened I tried to fight off certain death with a stick. And then you put your jacket on me—”
Bonnie glanced down at the jacket but didn’t move to pick it up. However, as she looking in that direction she was jolted by the sight of the two bad dogs still crouching on the ground; their fierce eyes gleaming.
Damon seemed to see them in the same instant. He made a sound of impatience and then a gesture, as of casting something away.
“Leave it!” he cried. “Off! Go away! Whatever—just get out of here right now!”
He spoke as if the bad dogs could understand him. Maybe they did understand simple commands because with flattened ears and down-curled tails, they turned and began to lope away and no invisible wall stopped them. They ran, not along the concrete path, but into the darkness across the grass and toward a stand of tall trees. In seconds, they had melted into the night.
Bonnie watched, her heart still pounding. She felt frantic and frightened, and she knew that now there was nobody who could rescue her. She had betrayed her friend—her velociraptor sister—and she couldn’t understand how it had happened.
It wasn’t as if Elena didn’t know that Bonnie had feelings for Damon; Bonnie knew that. But Elena also knew that she could trust both Damon and Bonnie absolutely.
How could Bonnie have completely forgotten all that? How could she have done such a horrible thing?
It was so strange, but in those moments that she’d been held by Damon’s eyes, Bonnie had . . . had lost track of the connection between him and Elena. Insane as it sounded, Bonnie had somehow thought of Elena as—taken care of. As if she’d broken up with Damon and was with . . . with . . .
With who? Bonnie demanded of her own mind. You don’t even have someone to pretend about! You know that she wouldn’t get back together with Matt. And . . . okay, so it feels as if there should be some other guy, someone perfect for her, someone who loves her desperately, but that’s Damon, you idiot!
You and Meredith swore a blood oath that you would help her get Damon or die doing it. Back in the cemetery in Fell’s Church, you swore it. You promised.
I am insane, Bonnie thought. I really, truly am. I say bizarre and terrible things I don’t remember; I sleepwalk in the freezing cold; I try to steal my dearest friend’s guy. And then I make up crazy excuses for my behavior.
Maybe it would have been better if Damon hadn’t come to find me and rescue me. I swear! If those wild dogs had just . . . just come a minute earlier I would never have done such an awful thing. It’s better to be dead than a crazy traitor! Isn’t it? Isn’t it?
“Now, redbir—now, Bonnie,” Damon said from behind her, and Bonnie realized that she had her hands up over her face again and that she was sobbing quietly.