'Dear God, Hannah!' His mouth devoured the ripe fullness of her soft lips. The raw hunger in him nearly suffocated her with pleasure as his tongue drove with frenzied fervour into the warm moistness of her mouth, and his teeth nipped and bit at the swollen outline of her parted lips. 'Shall I tell you what I've fantasised about?' She wouldn't like it—it might make her hate him—but he had to unburden his guilt.
Hannah's reply was lost in Ethan's hot mouth as he lifted her up and carried her over to the leather chaise longue. The material of her sweater peeled away under the rough eagerness of his hands. Very deliberately he untied the three ribbons that held the thin camisole she wore beneath. There was a taut stillness in him as he looked down at the pale outline of her slender body.
'You're so beautiful,' he breathed thickly.
Hannah was inclined to let this gross misinterpretation of the truth pass—besides, Ethan made her feel beautiful. He made her feel desirable and womanly.
With great care, he parted her thighs. The touch of his hands on her skin made an imprint that went soul-deep. She belonged to this man; she needed to belong to bun.
'I was going to say it was outside my control, but that's not true.' Like a man being torn in more than one direction, his tortured eyes continued to roam over her body.
'What isn't, darling?' If he didn't touch her soon she'd die. Her desire had pooled into the lower half of her body, making it almost impossible for her brain to function beyond the single imperative message it was screaming. But, despite this, the strangeness in his voice penetrated her passion-fogged mind.
'I knew you could have got pregnant. Like now, I wanted to implant my seed in you, fill you to overflowing.' The words emerged in a strange, disjointed staccato. 'It was selfish, but it overrode every logic circuit in my head. It honestly wasn't like that with Tom—we did take precautions.' He shook his head as if to chase away old, painful memories. 'I don't think you can trust me, Hannah.'
'Why can't I trust you?' she asked gently. It was his deep distress that touched her rather than his words; she was too engrossed by the primal message that sang in her head. 'Make love to me,' she pleaded, reaching out for him.
'Don't you understand what I'm saying?' he asked, staring at her hands. 'Part of me wanted you to be pregnant. I wanted to see your body grow big with my child. I've never felt like this before in my life, Hannah. I took advantage of your inexperience.'
This catalogue of imagined injuries had gone on long enough. 'Nobody of my age is that inexperienced. I knew what could happen, Ethan. You can't really knock a primitive urge which has served the human race pretty well so far. Don't confuse primal with barbarous.'
'I didn't consider how you felt, what you needed!' he continued angrily. 'Even now...I was going to...to ravish you! I can't explain how basic...raw—'
'I didn't know you felt like that too!'
Her husky amazement cut off his soul-searching confessions. 'What did you say?'
'Do you think I have ever imagined doing the things I do with you with anyone else? I'm totally shameless with you and I like it that way. And I'd love to have your baby. The doctors told me there's no reason why we can't...soon.' There was no conflict in the desire that shone out of her eyes. Ethan let out a hoarse cry.
At last! Deprived of his touch for several minutes, she let out a cry of delight as he was upon her. He was within her too, sliding so deeply between her flexed legs that it felt as if they were one.
Ethan retrieved his jacket from the floor and draped it over her shoulders as their sweat-slicked bodies cooled. Hannah gave a sigh of pure contentment as she snuggled against his body. She giggled as he drew the fine grey wool up over her nose.
'Hey, are you trying to suffocate me?' she asked, poking her nose over the top. The teasing smile was replaced by a serious look. He ought to look mellow and relaxed, but she could still see the tension in his lean body. 'I hope the door was locked.'
'Nobody's going to risk disturbing me today.'
'Been a mite tetchy, have you?' she teased lightly.
I’ve scandalised the whole building by telling a High Court Judge that I'm too busy to talk to him. I suppose you could call that tetchy.'
'It's more impressive than yelling at the cat.'
'Did you do that?' he asked fondly.
'I would have if we had a cat.' She knew he had something else he wanted to tell her and she was trying to work out how to give him the opening. 'I've been jealous as hell of Catherine ever since I knew she existed.' You could drive a double-decker bus through that particular opening.
'And now?'
'Not jealous.' She felt pity for a confused, unhappy woman. She believed that from Ethan's compulsive need to account for all the crisis points in his tragic marriage would come a lightening of the burden he'd been carrying.