“I’d like to see them try while I’m around,” I grumble, my hackles rising at the thought of my woman getting hounded by people she was trying to help.
When I’m done, I wash my hands then grab my coffee, unlocking the bathroom before taking Erin’s free hand in mine and shouldering open the door.
“Holy fuck, that is him!” one of the homeless women says. She can’t be older than nineteen or twenty. Her hair is in dreadlocks and her teeth are straight and white as she grins from ear to ear, making me wonder if the group isn’t homeless after all.
“Dude. I fucking love your show!” one of the guys says. He’s around the same age as the girl, maybe a couple years older, and he stands up, bringing his phone into view. He snaps a picture, the flash blinding in this dimly lit courtyard, and when he pulls the phone back down and uncovers his face, there’s a look of awe in his expression. “Bro… did you just bang ya girl in the public restroom? That’s just… gross.”
I look down at Erin and then back into the face of this young man covered in grime from head to toe, a dog leash wrapped limply around his dirty hand, and realize his phone is the latest model iPhone. What the fuck?
I can’t help it. I burst into laughter at the ridiculousness of it all. When I notice the group looking awkwardly at each other, I try to control my chuckles enough to tell them, “Thanks for watching. And no, I didn’t ‘bang my girl’ in the public bathroom. We were in there all of what… two minutes, tops? Give me some credit. I’d last at least five… maybe six. Because look at her.” I hike my thumb at Erin and wiggle my eyebrows. “Like a gentleman, I didn’t want to leave her alone in the middle of the night in a dark… alley, basically.”
The second woman, still sitting on the ground up against the wall, speaks up. “She wouldn’t have been alone. We coulda looked after her for ya to piss, man.”
Erin finally steps out from where she’s been standing halfway behind me. “I appreciate that. That’s not the case a lot of times though. Sorry for judging the situation incorrectly.”
“Ah, you must be talkin’ about Beau’s clan,” the guy with the iPhone says.
“That guy is a fucking dick,” the second guy on the ground says before he stands up, walking toward us.
As I feel Erin take a tiny step back behind me, I stand my ground, pulling up to my full height as he approaches. And it’s not until he comes into the light shining over the bathroom door that I notice… his grime isn’t quite right. It almost looks like… makeup?
He holds his hand out to me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Rockwell. Huge fan of your cooking. You actually catered one of my best friends’ sweet sixteen birthday party back home a few years ago.”
Before I can even try to put two and two together, Erin saves the day by blurting, “Okay, what the hell is going on? This cat has a phone as fancy as mine, and I know how expensive that shit was.” She gestures toward the guy still standing near the two women, taking photos or maybe video of the situation. “That gal there is wearing ratty jeans, but they’re freaking designer. She fucking bought them that way, and probably paid six, maybe seven hundred bucks for them! And you, sir—” She steps forward to look closely at his face, and I tighten my hold on her hand still in mine, yanking her back into my body. “—you are wearing stage makeup. I know, because I too am a cosplayer.”
This makes me look down at her in surprise, and I smile, thinking about the beauty dressed up in nerd gear for Comic Con. If I wasn’t in the middle of this completely weird situation, I would pop yet another boner.
“But the question is, what the fuck are y’all cosplaying? There isn’t another convention around here for three more months,” she points out, and I can’t help but wonder who she likes to dress up as. I don’t have time to ponder it though, because the other three kids stand up and make their way over to us.
“We’re a group of students from UCLA… as in Los Angeles,” the last girl finally speaks in a super Valley Girl sounding voice.
“They know where UCLA is, Cameron,” the guy with the cell says.
She shrugs. “Well, I don’t know that. The last guy we told thought the LA in it was for Louisiana.”
“Back on course, y’all. What the french toast is going on?” Erin prompts, and I hold in a snort.
“We’re here doing research for a movie we’re producing. Thought we’d go undercover as homeless people a few hours a night. We have a couple days left out here, and after the first night, when we met Beau and his group, we’ve been mostly just trying to stay hidden from them while still getting the information and stuff we need. I’m Dominik, by the way.” He puts his phone in his left hand and holds out his right for us to shake.