The last few days have been the sweetest torture. I’ve had her with me, gotten to know her even more, and fell even deeper in love with her than I could have imagined.
That first night I slept with her in my arms made me realize how perfectly we fit together. And the night she asked me for a kiss I discovered exactly how explosive we are together. I’ve made myself take it slow when all I wanted to do was take her to my bed and make the sweetest love to her. But now it’s over. She’s leaving me.
I drive home, calling the shop to let them know I won’t be in the rest of the day. I go home and immediately pour myself a double shot of whiskey.
Opening my phone, I scan through my pictures and get lost in them, knowing my world is about to fall apart.
I don’t know how much time goes by, but I’m sitting in the same spot at the dining room table when Jane shows up. I can hear her walking through the rooms, quiet as a mouse, until she walks into the kitchen and sees me.
“Hey,” she says, smiling at me. And fuck, I love her smile, but it makes me sad that I’m not going to see it every day like I want to. And the thought of not seeing her each and every fucking day almost cripples me. I can’t. I can’t go a few hours as it is, there’s no way I can let her go. Not without a fight.
“Hey, honey. Come talk to me.” I push out the chair next to me, and she sits down easily.
She looks between the glass and then me. “You don’t usually drink in the middle of the day.”
I push the glass away. “You’re right. I don’t. And I probably shouldn’t now, but I need a clear head for this.”
“For what?” she asks, and it’s then I notice her hands are trembling.
I cover her hand with mine. “Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, she asks her own question. “Dutton, why’d you bring me here?”
“At first? Because I was worried about Martin.”
She tilts her head to the side like she’s examining my answer. “Why did you keep me here?”
I push my hand through my hair. “I should have told you. I went and talked to Martin. I know he’s not going to mess with you anymore. There’s no way he’d even look at you if you walked right next to him. But I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to stay.”
“Why?” she asks immediately. “Why did you want me to stay?”
“Because I want you with me.” There’s so much I need to say to her. I know I do, but there’s still the fear of scaring her off. I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
“I don’t understand, Dutton. You held me that first night. You kissed me the next night and then nothing. It’s like you go out of your way to not touch me. From where I’m standing, you seem like you’d be happier if I just left.”
She starts to stand, and I reach out to her, pushing my chair back and gently grab her arm. When she looks at me, I drop my hand to my lap. “I will be devastated if you leave me. I want you to move in here. Decorate my house. Be my wife. Have my babies. I want it all, Jane, and I want it with you.”
She shakes her head like she doesn’t believe what I’m saying. “Then why? Why have you been pushing me away? Even just now, it’s like you can’t stand the thought of touching me.”
I stand up and pull her against me. The fire is burning inside me, and I know there’s only one thing that will put out the flame. “Because I can’t control myself around you. Because just smelling you, fucking looking at you makes me want to lose all control. I scared you to death when you woke up in my arms, and I promised myself I’d slow down and the only way to do that is to not touch you. Hell, Jane, I’ve jacked off to your picture every day before I see you just to take the edge off.”
“Picture? What picture?”
I pick up my phone on the table, open the photo gallery and hand her the phone.
She scrolls through the pictures. Hundreds of them, and they’re all of her. I started taking her picture the day I met her, and I haven’t stopped. She keeps scrolling, and it’s then I realize I may have fucked up. She probably thinks I’m a stalker. “Jane?”
She sets the phone down and looks up at me. “I love you, Dutton Cole. I have for a while. I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you give Sam money outside of The Stop. You’re a good man, and even though I’m not really good at all this, I want you just as much as you want me. I sleep in that bed at night, thinking about what you would do to me. Your hands sliding across my body. Your mouth on me. I imagine it all. But I want the real thing. I want you.”