She collapsed onto the stone ledge of the fountain and took a deep breath. She felt much calmer out here, away from the crush of people in the ballroom, but the sense of relief didn’t last long. Not a minute later, she heard the sound of footsteps on the gravel and spied Gabriel coming toward her on the garden path.
He approached silently and sat on the edge of the fountain beside her. She expected him to immediately give her the third degree for running out on him. It was incredibly rude, after all, and she kept forgetting he was the king. People were probably inside talking about her hasty departure.
But Gabriel didn’t seem to be in a hurry. He seemed to enjoy the garden as well, taking a deep breath and gazing up at the blanket of stars overhead. She did the same, relaxing as she tried to identify different constellations. Looking at the stars always made her problems seem less important, less significant. The universe was a big place.
When he finally got around to speaking, Serafia was ready to answer his questions. She was tired of hiding her illness, anyway. She might as well put it all out there, warts and all. It would likely put an end to their pointless flirtation and she could stop torturing herself with possibilities that didn’t really exist.
“What was that all about in there? Really? Why is it so impossible that I would want you as you are, right now?”
“It’s impossible for me to believe it because I know how seriously messed up I am, Gabriel. The truth is that I don’t have a congenital heart defect and I didn’t spend a year having surgeries to correct it.”
Gabriel frowned at her. “Well, then, what really happened to you?”
Serafia sighed and shook her head. “No one knows the truth but my family and my doctors. My parents thought it would be easier for me if we told everyone the cover story, but that was all a lie. I had a heart attack on that runway because I had slowly and systematically tried to kill myself to be beautiful. The modeling industry is so high pressure and I couldn’t stand up to it. I swallowed the lies they told me along with the prescription diet pills. I barely ate. I exercised six to eight hours a day. I abused cocaine, laxatives...anything that I thought would give me an edge and help me drop those last few pounds. My quest to be thinner, to be prettier, almost made me a very attractive corpse.”
She was terrified to say the words aloud, but at the same time, it felt as if a weight was lifted from her chest. “The day I collapsed on the runway, I was five foot nine and ninety-three pounds. I was nothing but a walking skeleton and I received more compliments that morning than I ever had before. After I collapsed, I knew I had to leave the modeling industry because the environment was just too toxic. I had to spend a year in rehab and inpatient therapy for anorexia. I had to be completely reprogrammed, like I’d left some kind of cult.”
Gabriel didn’t recoil or react to her words. He just listened until she got it all out. “Are you better now?” he asked.
That was a difficult question to answer. Like an alcoholic, the danger of falling off the wagon was always there. “I’ve learned to manage. I’ve put so much strain on my heart that my day-to-day life is a very delicate balancing act. But for the most part, yes, the worst of it is behind me.”
He sat studying her face for a few minutes. “I can’t believe anyone had the audacity to tell you that you were anything but flawless. I mean, you’re Serafia—supermodel extraordinaire, catwalk goddess and record holder for most Vogue Italia covers.”
Once again, she started to squirm under his praise. “When you say things like that, Gabriel, it’s really difficult for me to listen and even harder for me to accept. I was told for so long that I was fat and ugly and would never make it in the business. Even when I made it to the top, there’s always someone there to try and knock you down. The modeling industry can be so venomous. You’re never thin enough, pretty enough, talented enough, and both your competition and your customers feed you those criticisms every day. You believe something after you hear it enough times. Even all these years later, after all the therapy, there’s a part of me that still believes that and thinks everything you’re saying is just insincere flattery.”
Gabriel reached out and covered her hand with his own. It was comforting and she was thankful for it, even as it surprised her. She expected him to finally see her flaws and run, but he didn’t.
“It might be flattery, Serafia, but it’s true. Every word. If I have to say it each day until you finally believe it, I will. I know how hard it can be to trust someone once that faith is abused. Once it’s lost, it’s almost impossible to get back, but I want to help you try.”