“When I am strong enough. I will need to be there to warn any rakes and libertines away with the point of my rapier.”
She smiled, relief glowing in her eyes. There was the slightest hesitation before she asked, “And what of Miss Danvers?”
“I am certain you will be guaranteed to encounter her.”
“And the engagement?”
“It is over.”
Penny searched his face. “Will you make an announcement that she is no longer your affianced?”
Why did his heart twist in such a violent manner? “If I do, Miss Danvers’s reputation will be tarnished. It is perhaps better to allow the lady to do the jilting.”
She sighed, then leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I love you.”
When she made to straighten, he grasped her by the shoulder and hugged her close. “I love you, too. Now go and finish your packing. All shall be well.”
He released her, and she nodded but did not attempt to leave.
“Do you love her?” she whispered. “Miss Danvers…do you love her?”
A pounding ache darted through his chest and seemed to split him open from the inside. The feeling was so unexpected and visceral, he rubbed at his chest. “What do you know of love?”
She thought on this for a moment and then replied, “I believe I saw it when you smiled at Miss Danvers. And you did, quite a lot. In unguarded moments when you thought no one observed you, or perhaps it was as if you could not help you
rself. She would be walking in the hallway, and you would falter, as if arrested…more like spellbound…and you would stare and then smile. You did this several times a day, as if seeing her was the only thing you needed to brighten your mood. I do hope that is love.”
Christ. He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Penny…”
“I am filled with vanity of self, I think,” she continued as if he had not spoken. “Oftentimes I wonder if I had been hurt as you had, broken bones and dreams, scarred with no hope of a normal life, could I have borne it? There was a time when you wanted to give up, Alexander. I recall slipping into your rooms against express orders to stay away. There was a sweet, awful scent in the smoke that surrounded you. Opium…the servants would whisper. The air would reek of it, and at times I would stray from my room and hear your bellows of anguish and loss. Then one day I crawled onto your bed, slipped my hands into yours, and told you I needed you.”
She swiped at the tears running down her cheeks. “Do you remember, brother?”
“I do, Penny.” That had been the first ray of light to pierce his darkness and pain.
“I want you to be happy. I want you to love and be loved in return. I might not know much about romantic attachments, but Kitty…whenever she looked at you, I felt almost embarrassed at the yearning in her eyes. Her sentiments were wholly returned, and you would be a damn fool if you let her go.” She flushed. “I’ll not apologize for cursing. The brother I know and love does not feel fear or act foolishly. Please do not do so now…not when I can tell she is so very precious to you.”
Then she stood and walked away.
Alexander turned the wheel of his chair and watched her go. How much she had grown up over those ten years, maturing into a perceptive and intelligent young lady.
Katherine was precious to him, and he’d had to stop denying it the first night he slept in the castle knowing she was no longer resting herself in the east wing. That night he hadn’t slept. Or the next night. Exhaustion had claimed his mind and body on the fourth night of prowling the corridors of the west wing, wheeling his chair over and over down the hallway, unable to stop the strange tempest brewing in his gut.
The crunch of boots had him shifting toward the direction of the lake. He spied Eugene, and the man had an expression of someone tormented.
“You heard the conversation with Penny,” Alexander murmured.
His cousin glanced toward the mountains and skyline for several moments. “I’d planned when in town to call upon Miss Danvers in the hopes she might consider me. But now… You love her. I saw your face when Penny spoke just now, Alexander, and I’ve never seen such hunger and need on another before. I entreat you. Share with me.”
The silence stretched, and then he spoke. “To have Miss Danvers’s uncompromising trust and friendship, to see her smile every day for the rest of my miserable life would be worth anything,” he snarled, slapping a hand over his forehead, hating that tears pricked at his eyes. He was a goddamn duke. A man who had endured hell and had been reshaped with an iron will that had never failed him. Tears were not for the likes of him, yet his throat burned.
“I have often wondered what it would be like to be not quite so alone in the nights, to have a wife, a friend…a lover to confide my sorrows, expectations, and joys. I’ve struggled against falling in love with her, for the unsuitability of our match was quite evident to me. Yet the feelings she has roused in my heart are unalterable. Sometimes fear clutches at my heart when I think how unlikely our meeting was. What if Miss Danvers had chosen another man to pretend to be her fiancé? What if she had taken a different path?” Alexander murmured roughly. “I would have missed her, Eugene. I would have missed knowing her laughter, her brightness, the taste and feel of her. I would have missed knowing that happiness is still possible.”
“Then for Christ’s sake, man, how do you bear letting her go?”
“I do not bear it,” he said gruffly. “The world feels dark without her. And I hurt her…when she is so precious to me.”
An overwhelming panic crawled through Alexander’s senses, jerking his heart in a manner never before experienced. What a damn fool I am. She was something rare and unbelievable, and he had thoughtlessly lost her.