When I heard the gunshots, I had no idea what was going on.
And when Cane walked into my room, I almost didn’t believe it was him.
The doctor left, and I sat alone in my old bedroom. It was the first place Cane brought me when I became his prisoner. It had a king-size bed with a duvet softer than a rose petal. There was a fireplace, a TV, and Tuscan style furniture. It was beautiful, like a page inside a magazine. It felt like home.
Cane walked in a few moments later, his eyes heavy with exhaustion. He was still dressed in all black, a bulletproof vest strapped around his chest. His hair was messy because he’d been fingering it nervously. All of his habits continued, but that shouldn’t be surprising since it’d only been a week since I’d seen him.
Though it had felt like an eternity.
He sat at the edge of the bed, purposely putting five feet between us.
He didn’t need to do that.
It was hard to look at him because I saw the pain etched into his features. His jaw was tight, not in annoyance, but agony. His dark eyes were heavier than usual. His beard was thick because he hadn’t shaved since the day I left. He looked as broken as I was.
I wanted to shower and rinse all the dirt away. I wanted to scrub away the evidence that Tristan had ever touched me. But I wanted to be with Cane, to sit with him just like this. This man saved my life. He risked everything to get me out of there.
How could I ever repay him for that?
Cane cleared his throat. “I want to tell you that you can talk to me about what happened…that I’ll listen and be there for you. But honestly…I don’t think I can bear it.” He closed his eyes and swallowed. “I know that’s selfish, but…I just can’t.”
“I understand,” I whispered. “There’s not much to say anyway.” I didn’t want to relive the pain. I wanted to move forward with my life and forget that horrible week. When I’d stayed with Cane for that month, he’d somehow put me back together. He made me feel like a person, not a victim. He didn’t look at me like I was stained or dirty. He looked at me like I was beautiful—always.
“Maybe you could talk to Pearl…if you need to.”
“Yeah…”
He stared at the floor, his elbows resting on his knees. “Do you want to be alone for a while?”
“Not particularly.”
“Okay.”
I watched the side of his face, watched the way his expression hardened.
I scooted to the edge of the bed and sat directly beside him. I was the one who had been tortured and beaten, but I wanted to comfort him. He seemed to be holding on by a thread, about to be swept away in an undercurrent. “Why did you come for me?”
His eyes were still on the floor. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you in there. I couldn’t sleep…couldn’t eat…it killed me. I went to Crow and told him I had to save you. I regretted letting you go the second your hand was gone from mine.”
“I don’t know what to say…”
“You don’t need to say anything, Bellissima. You don’t need to thank me. You don’t owe me anything.”
My hand moved to his arm, and I caressed his skin.
He flinched at the touch.
“Do you not want me to touch you…?” Was he disgusted by me because Tristan was the last person to lay his hands on me?
“No. I just assumed you didn’t want to be touched for a while…”
“I don’t,” I whispered. “But I like to touch you, Cane. It makes me feel good.” I leaned my face against his shoulder and sat there with him.
A moment later, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. He didn’t say anything else, choosing to hold me in silence.
And all I wanted was to be held.
* * *
It took thirty minutes in the shower to wash everything away. There was so much dirt, oil, and blood. It was the first time I’d showered in a week, so I stayed under the water much longer than necessary. I hadn’t brushed my teeth either, and thankfully, my old toothbrush was still in the bathroom.
I scrubbed hard.
I scrubbed deep.
I shaved my entire body, removing everything I possibly could. Like last time, I wanted to step out of there as a new person. I wanted to wash away the old and step into the new. I wanted to shed my damaged skin and become another person.
I liked who I was with Cane. It was the perfect place to recover, to get back on my feet.
I finished the shower and dried off before I pulled on fresh clothes. A new set of clothes and a shower already made me feel better. I was a human being again. I had rights. I had power.