“I’m not fucking you for my freedom.” She grabbed a handful and threw them at my chest. “I deserve to be free because I’m a human being. I deserve respect for the shit I’ve been through. I deserve—”
“You don’t deserve anything unless I give it to you.” I rose, the buttons falling to my feet. “I’ve given you a choice. Take your only way out or be my prisoner for the rest of time. Live out your days in my vineyards and wait for your heart to stop beating. Or pay off your debt and be free.”
“I don’t have a debt.”
“You don’t get it.” I gripped the edge of the table as I leaned forward. “I have to sacrifice more than you could possibly understand. I have to let something go that will haunt me forever. You do owe me a great debt. In fact, you owe me a lot more than this.” I pointed to the jar, the vase that could hold an infinite number of pieces.
“How do I know you’ll really let me go?”
“Because I’m a man of my word.” I may be a criminal, but I also lived by a code of ethics. Every organization had rules. Even pirates had rules. It made order. It expelled chaos. “If I tell you I’ll let you go, I will.”
She searched my eyes, looking for a lie. “You promise me?”
She was going to agree. We were just steps from sealing the deal. “Yes.”
She came to a stand, her eyes moving to the buttons scattered across the dining hall. “I have to think about it.”
No. I wanted her now.
She left the table and headed to the door.
“Take all the time you need.” Hurry the fuck up.
She walked out without saying another word, leaving me alone.
With three hundred and sixty-five buttons.
Chapter Twenty
Pearl
Three hundred and sixty-five buttons.
That was a lot of buttons.
That was a lot of sex.
That was more sex than I’d had with Bones even though he took me several times a day. That was an enormous debt I had to repay. Every time I got underneath him, I would become an object—his object. I’d have to spread my legs anytime he commanded and give him whatever he asked.
Could I really do that?
I was attracted to Crow. When he kissed me, I felt a longing deep in my gut. When I felt his chest with my fingertips, I was impressed by his strength. When he rubbed my clit, he took me to the edge of an orgasm, something I’d never thought was possible after what I’d been through.
And he ignited a spark within me.
But it was still wrong. What he was asking of me was illegal. He wanted me to willingly be his slave, to accept his terms and give myself up. It was wrong to the very core. It was unacceptable.
But it would lead to my freedom.
With every fuck, I was closer to going home. I would constantly be working toward something, loosening the shackles around my wrists. I would be gaining my rights back, closer to returning to America and my home. I would be closer to returning to Jacob. He would understand my decision. If it were the only way out, I would have to take it.
Crow was a criminal, but he was honest. If he gave me his word, he kept it. That was something I thought I could rely on. He told me he wouldn’t let anyone have me, and he stood up to his brother to accomplish that. Despite the way he slapped me, I believed he was better than the other riff-raff I encountered. There were still some redeeming qualities inside him. There was still a light of goodness. There was still hope.
I had to trust him.
If not, I’d have to settle for being a prisoner forever. While the mansion I lived in was beautiful, it wasn’t enough. I needed freedom. I needed power. I needed more. I would never marry and have children if I stayed there. I would never go back to work or buy a house in the city.
I would be stuck there forever.
I hated the choice he laid out before me, but I couldn’t argue with which one I needed to choose. It made me respect myself even less, but I also knew I had to do it. I had to do whatever was necessary to survive.
And I would never apologize for that.
***
I took a week to think things over. I didn’t want to discuss it with him until I had an answer. He respected my solitude and didn’t come to me. He didn’t ask if I’d come to a decision. He didn’t send Lars to ask me either. Patiently, he waited.
After he ate dinner, I knew he stayed in his study. He either worked or did something else. The only time he went into his bedroom was when he slept. I approached the door and rapped my knuckles against the wood.