No sex. No orgasm. No pleasure until I got this under control.
Closing the distance, her arms wrapped around me.
My heart clenched, then drowned in love for her.
I squeezed her close. Goddammit, it’d been a rough few days. All I wanted to do was slip inside her again, make her shatter, and then sleep. Preferably in that order.
But she wasn’t on the menu.
Her tiny fingers landed on my chest. “Remember when I first arrived? You tried to climb these stairs with that knife wound bleeding you dry and almost passed out on the first rung.”
I kissed the tip of her nose. “I was trying to run away from you.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?”
Her face fell. “Because you hated me.”
Christ, no.
“Wrong. It was because you made me feel something I never wanted to feel again. I wanted you—fuck how I wanted you—but I hated that I wanted you, too.”
She inhaled hard. “Why?”
“Because by wanting you, I was being a traitor to your memory.” I held her away from me, staring into her eyes. “Guilt is as much a part of me as breathing. Every damn day I suffered with it, knowing I’d ruined us, your family, myself. Every time I craved company, I drowned in guilt because I couldn’t have you. I could never have the woman I loved because of what I’d done.”
She stretched on her toes and kissed me. “How many times do I need to tell you? You didn’t do any of that.” Her fingertips circled my heart. “Cut out that guilt. It has no reason to be there anymore.”
Unable to speak, I tucked her into my side and together we climbed the last step and headed toward the bedroom. Once inside, I spun her around and undid the zipper holding her black dress in place. She didn’t argue as I slid the metal teeth apart and let the material slip from her shoulders.
Her gorgeous body of scars and ink stole the remaining intelligence I had left. I morphed back into the boy I’d been—a boy who’d never forgotten his perfect soul mate and now somehow had her for all eternity.
Gathering her close, I kissed her shoulder, slinking my hands to massage her back. “I never let anyone else into my heart, yet the second I saw you bound and gagged and covered in mud, I fell in love with you all over again. I cheated on you with you. I found comfort from missing you with you. And it fucking killed me to think I was moving on when all I wanted to do was live in the past.”
She captured my face. “I hate that I left you behind. I hate that I caused you so much pain. But I can say that even though I didn’t remember, I never stopped loving you. Your eyes haunted my dreams. Your touch and smell were phantoms in my life—tugging me back to you.” She kissed me, her tongue hesitantly licking my bottom lip. I opened for her, welcoming her taste into my mouth.
She relaxed into the kiss. “There was never anyone else for me.”
“You could’ve moved on,” I panted, never tearing my lips away from hers, kissing her and feeding words directly into her mouth. “You had a choice.”
Her fingers dug into my cheeks. “I never had a choice, Art. Never.”
Her soft kiss turned demanding—a need to confirm we were both still alive. My cock swelled and as much as I wanted to break the rules, I couldn’t.
I wanted to grow old with her.
I wanted her all the days and all the nights I had left on this earth.
I wouldn’t risk her—not now I had her back.
“Wait here,” I whispered, kissing her one last time.
Moving before she had time to quarrel, I disappeared into the bathroom and turned on the taps of the large bath. Waiting until the water temperature was perfect, I slipped out of the jeans and T-shirt I’d shrugged into after Doctor Laine had gone and prowled back to the bedroom.
Cleo stood gloriously naked exactly where I left her. Her flat stomach was smooth and perfect while the shiny scars licked her right side and the pretty blue flowers and hidden star signs decorated her left.
She’s like a colorful constellation.
Her mouth parted as I looped my fingers with hers and guided her toward the bathroom.
My headache pounded harder, keeping up a rhythm with my racing heartbeat and throbbing dick.
Calm down.
No fucking way did I want to pass out again.
This wasn’t about sex or lust.
This was about more.
A purging of sorts—washing ourselves free from the past and embracing the present.
Stepping over the rim of the bath, I gently guided Cleo into the warm water until it lapped around our waists. My breathing becoming faint as my vision stuttered. The sound of gushing taps and steam spirals filled the bathroom as Cleo melted into the heat and reclined against my chest.
Having her surrender to me, with her breasts floating and breaking the film of the water and her eyes at half-mast sent my heart racing for an entirely different reason. And when her head lolled dreamily and rested between my shoulder and base of my neck, I crushed her to me with far too much strength.
She squeaked but didn’t complain. I didn’t do anything but hold her wordlessly. Her vulnerability gave me power. Her submission gave me peace.
Words weren’t needed.
Conversation not required.
The soft mist and condensation did a much better job, drenching us in silent feelings.
I’d never known how she could make me feel invincible one second, then hopeless the next. Her love did that—it was an elixir and a curse. Something that would be forever at odds with my world and everything I currently stood for.