***
That night, I sat on the steps across the street from Reese’s apartment. The warm sun from a late Indian summer day was gone, but the heat was still oppressive. It was humid, hot as hell, and my heart was beating rapidly. Before today, I’d been wallowing in self-pity and guilt, but ever since Sam told me Reese was considering leaving New York for a job, a new emotion had taken over: fear.
I hated it. I’d considered stopping at the liquor store on the way here to soothe my anxiety. But there was no way I was drinking on the job. Even if it was my own insane mission I’d created, and Reese didn’t want me here anymore.
It was about an hour into my shift when a man who looked familiar approached her building and went inside. It took a minute for me to place where I knew him from. My fists balled when I remembered he was the guy who’d been in her apartment the night the alarm went off.
A second date.
I knew how my second dates always ended.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fifteen minutes later, the two of them emerged from the building. Reese wore a halter-top dress with a little sweater over it and high-heeled sandals. Her hair was down, and the humidity made it fuller and sexier. She’d never looked more beautiful. Stopping as they reached the sidewalk, Reese lifted her hand and fanned her face. It was hot as hell. The ache in my chest grew almost unbearable when she slipped the tiny sweater off, revealing a healthy amount of cleavage and an almost completely open back.
Beads of sweat dripped from my brow as I watched it all play out in front of me. I was in my own private hell. He stood behind her and took the sweater from her arms. My heart thudded away, and it was all I could do to not run over and tell him to get his fucking hands off of her. Yet I sat and did nothing but grind a layer of enamel off my teeth.
I have no right to stop her from doing anything anymore. Although it felt like he was touching something of mine. Something I very much had rights to.
Watching them walk down the street, I stayed frozen on the step until they reached the corner. Then I grumbled a string of curses and got up to follow them. New duties added to my security detail. Apparently I was taking this stalking shit pretty damn seriously.
I walked on the other side of the street for four blocks, keeping a safe distance behind them as I focused on their body language. They walked closely, like two people who had a certain comfort level with each other, yet they didn’t hold hands or touch. When they strolled into a small Italian restaurant, I thought I’d have to wait around for an hour or two before the continuation of the show. Lucky for me, the hostess sat them right in front of the picture window.
After a few minutes, I wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse that I would have to watch them all night. Regardless, I found myself a doorway diagonally across the street. It concealed me but still allowed for comfortable viewing.
They ordered wine and appetizers, and it looked like there was no shortage of conversation. Each time Reese laughed, I felt happy seeing her beautiful smile. Then a crushing feeling would slam down on that momentary joy when I remembered it wasn’t me who’d put that smile on her face.
At one point, I watched in slow motion as her date reached out and touched her face. His hand cupped her cheek in an intimate gesture, and for a second, I thought he might lean across the table and kiss her.
Fuck, I can’t take it anymore.
I had to look away.
My head fell into my hands, and I struggled to figure out how I was going to move on from this. How could I let her walk out of my life? I needed to break free from her.
I’d been trying for weeks, yet something kept holding me back.
Suddenly it hit me.
It was my heart.
She was already inside my damn heart.
I could physically walk away from her, but she was already inside of me. Distance wouldn’t change that. She’d be in my heart, even if she wasn’t in my life.
How could it all be so clear when five minutes ago I couldn’t see any of it?
It had to be the threat of losing her. Up until now, I hadn’t actually believed she would move on. But seeing it with my own eyes was a wake-up call.
Now it was a matter of what I was going to do about it.
What if we were together and something happened to her? What if I wasn’t there to protect her? What if I failed her? Failed us? What if…she left me someday like Peyton had?