The nice, friendly face I’d come to expect for my nightly visits transformed, replaced by the stony and distant face he’d used when he dumped me. I knew what was coming next, and I wasn’t accepting it anymore.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Reese.”
I stood. “Well, I do.”
“Things between us are good. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
He couldn’t really believe that crap, could he?
“Things between us are good? What are we even, Chase? Tell me.”
His jaw flexed. “We’re friends.”
I could see him shutting down, and I didn’t care. My emotions had been all over the place lately, and I needed an outlet. Unfortunately, the outlet was going to be Chase tonight.
“I don’t want to be friends!” I yelled. “We were never friends.”
I hadn’t come out planning to give him an ultimatum tonight, but somehow I was there.
It was time.
“I can’t give you anything more, Reese. I told you that.”
“Maybe. But your words and actions vastly contradict each other, and I’ve always been taught to believe what people show you, not what they tell you.”
Chase raked his fingers through his wet hair. “You want something I can’t give you.”
“What I want is you. That’s it. I don’t need someone outside to guard me and be my friend. I need someone to be with me.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Is there a difference? They both wind up with the same result.”
“Is this really what you want? You’re going to sit out here night after night? What happens when I start bringing home men I plan to fuck?” I could see the anger brewing in his eyes, and I thought maybe it would break him. “How will that work, exactly? Will you shake hands and ask him what time he’ll be done with me so you can take a break from your post?”
“Stop it, Reese.”
I was beyond frustrated that I couldn’t get through to him.
“You know what? I will stop it. Because I’m done. You don’t want me, that’s fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Stick around here much longer, and I’ll be bringing home a man to stay for the night.” I leaned in closer and nailed my point home. “I’ll leave the window open so you can listen.”
Chapter 36
Chase
Even stalkers eventually settled into a routine.
After Reese left her apartment in the mornings, I’d go for a run. It was four miles back to my place, and I usually sprinted half of it, fueled by the frustration of watching her walk away each morning.
The late-night snacks had stopped a week ago. She didn’t even look in my direction anymore. I suppose I should have been grateful she was only giving me the cold shoulder. Her threat had been all I could think about lately. What the hell would I do if I watched her walk into her building with another man, and he didn’t come back out? The thought made me run faster.
How long would it take?
Fuck.
It wouldn’t take long.
Even though I normally ran the same route across town, today I didn’t. It wasn’t a conscious choice; my feet just led the way while my mind was busy with thoughts of Reese.
When I hit Amsterdam Avenue, I realized how far off course I was. And where my subconscious had taken me. Little East Open Kitchen.
The shelter where Peyton had volunteered.
Where Eddie had eaten every day.
I hadn’t been down this block in almost seven years.
I stared at the window for a long time, my eyes dropping below it to the empty spot where we’d frequently found Eddie sitting. The place had aged, but not much had changed.
I hated the sight of it. It made me angry and brought back that feeling of helplessness I’d had when I’d gotten that last phone call from Peyton. Powerless and weak. It made me feel like a victim.
Yet I wandered inside, unsure what I was looking for. It was early, and the place was practically empty. Only a couple and their two children were eating breakfast. A few volunteers kept busy going back and forth, carrying metal trays of food out from the kitchen and dropping them into their spots on the assembly line.
Looking around, I had no clue what the hell I was doing inside. Then the framed pictures on the wall caught my eye. When the interior was redecorated all those years ago, each volunteer had donated a poster of an inspirational quote. Peyton never did get to show me hers. I walked around the room, reading some of them.
You don’t need to climb the whole staircase. Just take the first step.
You have two hands—one to help yourself and one to help others.
The next one got me thinking.
If you don’t change direction, you may end up where you’re heading.
Where the hell was I heading? Thanks to Frick and Frack, I wasn’t sitting in a bar anymore from dawn to dusk. Instead I was sitting outside a woman’s apartment from dusk to dawn. I owned a successful company that I hadn’t been to in weeks, and I’d lost a woman who was the best thing that had happened to me in years. Maybe lost wasn’t exactly the right word. Given up, unfortunately, was more like it.