“I am a man of my word! If I wasn’t a man of my word we wouldn’t be having this fucking conversation! And I don’t want to break up. I want you to be my fucking wife!”
“You’re talking in riddles. I’m done trying to figure you out. This whole night was ruined the minute you took out that ring. You know what I think? I think you’re a coward no matter how you deny it. The Lucian I know would never let someone he loved walk out on him. No. He’d make it impossible for them to leave. You’ve been acting different for a while now. I think you wanted to break up and were too much of a coward to say it. I think you were purposely trying to push me away. You knew proposing marriage would do the trick. Well, I’m not a coward, Lucian. I’m not some charity case you need to feel responsible for either. We don’t need a break. We’re over.”
She turned and left the room. Lucian chased her into the hall. “Evelyn!”
She spun on her heel. “I hate that fucking name! My name is Scout! Do you hear me? Scout! Stay away from me. I can’t even look at you right now.”
“I won’t be able to fix this for a month. Please, don’t let it end like this.”
She walked, not stopping until she was safely away from him and in their bedroom—correction, his bedroom. As the door slammed, shards of glass seemed to slice open her heart. She collapsed on the floor and let the pain inside of her swallow her whole.
Chapter 14
Roaring Silence
There was a contrary existence to sadness. How could something so hollow weigh so much? Evelyn lay supine on the bed, face fused to the pillow with the salt of dried tears, unsure of the time and confused about the day of the week. Nothing had ever felt so horrible.
She stared at the backs of her eyelids so long she began to question if darkness was truly black or a blinding white. Misery cloaked her like a lead blanket, yet she was so empty she wondered how she didn’t float away. Pain stabbed her heart, but oddly she was numb, like a person who crashes to the ground so fast they die on impact.
Nothing made sense.
He did this to her, but why? Because she wouldn’t marry him? It couldn’t be that simple, yet there seemed to be no other explanation.
He wanted this. He wanted them to end.
He hadn’t come to her after she stormed off last night. Not once did he knock on the locked door or try to take back his ridiculous edict. Every torturous second was another crack in her broken trust.
His prolonged avoidance only made his stubbornness more annoying. Screw him.
She lay awake all night, waiting for this nightmare to end, but it never did. Just before she dozed off, as dawn crept over the horizon, she thought nothing could possibly be worse than the feeling inside her. She was wrong. She slept only a short time, but upon waking she learned of a new agony.
As her mind pulled out of the cobwebs of sleep, she realized the horrible dream was reality and that was worse than knowing it the night before. It was sharper, fresher, with a layer of disappointment added to the pain that sleep hadn’t mitigated. Would it be like this every morning from here on? A repeat of last night’s episode? She couldn’t bear the thought.
Sleep became a waking matter she simply wandered through in some subconscious state. She never truly rested. The unsettled turmoil of her mind forbade it.
Moments of quiet were interrupted by sudden intrusions of thoughts so unwelcome she would roll to her side and moan. No cry was strong enough to expel her agony.
Sometime that morning she admitted to herself how utterly stupid she had been. Just twenty-four hours ago she was so sure of herself, imperiously proud of how far she’d come.
Some achievement. She didn’t know what to do.
Her mother would be useless. And so help her God, if Lucian threw Pearl back on the streets, she would never forgive him. Never.
Perhaps Parker could help her. Perhaps Patrice, she thought, but how pathetic to go traipsing through Patras as the woman who was tossed away. Maybe it was just another stupid move on her part, thinking she still had some pride left to lose.
Fuck him and his apartment. She didn’t need anything from him. She could make it work. She should have taken that damn ring and pawned it.
That quickly her mind switched gears, shutting off her anger and reminding her of how hurt she was. The whiplash of those unannounced emotions sneaking in and taking over was enough to make her vomit. She turned her face back to the pillow and began to sob.